October 27, 2009 by nachopatrol
One of the benefits of having a Nacho Patroller based in London is that when other Nacho Patrollers take vacations to London, they have a like mind to show them around (and occasionally loan them half a bed). Ideally, this would help us to avoid the tourist traps, but unfortunately, if you want anything resembling Mexican food in London, tourist traps are the only way to go. So, we embraced it and made a trip to Chiquito in Leicester Square in order to get a true, authentic London nacho experience.
- Appearance: (7) Pretty, if not particularly lust-worthy. The entire arrangement, however, was very aesthetically pleasing:
- Quality of Ingredients: (7) The chili was tasty, if a little sweet. Chips were homemade and deliciously crispy, if a little unsubstantial. Salsa, guacamole and bean mixture were also quite tasty.
- Distribution of Toppings: (7) If you notice, there was no mention of the cheese above, because frankly, we could barely find any. All of the ingredients were piled on top, turning this into the kind of nacho where one dresses one’s own chip. In this case, it worked pretty well…
- Price: (6) 9.75 (pounds, people, not dollars). With the exchange rate that’s about $16.
- Overall: 27. All things considered, a decent nacho for the British Isles.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Foreign Correspondant, Leicester Square, Naked chips, tourist traps | 1 Comment »
October 26, 2009 by nachopatrol
According to the Lonely Planet Australia guidebook, Bondi Beach is the place to go if you want the ultimate Sydney experience. Though one might suspect that we enjoy tourist traps, these kinds of environments tend not to be a Nacho Patroler’s cup of tea. Something about us–perhaps it’s that delightful air of nacho that we leave in our wake–doesn’t agree with large groups of sweaty tourists flashing photos at inopportune moments. That said, we’d all but written off the overdeveloped Bondi…until we read that it’s the best place to find “disconcertingly attractive” locals. Needless to say we had to evaluate this prospect for ourselves (look there’s one!). And what better way to enjoy those beautiful bodies than by eating some nachos at the outdoor tables of Sahnia.
- Appearance: (7) a little burnt and, per the South Pacific way, as green as the Emerald City. Definitely not as attractive at the surfers, but we were still ready to eat them up. The nachos, not the surfers (okay, maybe both).
- Distribution: (7, +1 extra point for beans) Again, nothing here to write home about. The ample supply of chips lacked enough topping. Nudity is fine for surfers, but we like our nachos drenched in accouterments. The small amount of cheese quickly solidified into an inedible blob. As you might note, though, they did receive an extra point for adding a sprinkling of kidney beans free of charge.
- Quality: (7) As guest reviewer A-Speg points out, the chips were really what made this nacho plate shine. “They’re sturdy,” she says, only slightly embarrassed to publicly be reviewing nachos. “They’re thick and small, which makes for a manageable bite.” We also enjoyed the mince–more of a taco filling than a chili, and while the salsa was fresh, it wasn’t very innovative. Good, but not innovative.
- Price: (5) We really can’t blame Sahnia for the woefully poor exchange rate, but if you’re an American in Australia, expect to pay about USD $14 for these nachos. Acceptable for a huge plate in the states, but downright depressing down under.
- Overall: 26/40. Generally meh, but far from a failing grade. If you’re in Sydney and happen to be on the bus to Bondi Beach and you’re really craving some nachos, get yourself to Sahnia. Just don’t expect much. And when you finally get to the beach, maybe keep your shirt on. In the mean time, Nacho Patrol will be at the gym.
Posted in Nacho Reviews | Tagged Australia, Bondi Beach, Foreign Correspondant, Sydney, Well that's just depressing | Leave a Comment »
October 20, 2009 by nachopatrol
Denver’s Casa Bonita is in a class all it’s own. Where else can one watch cliff divers, gun battles, and mariachi bands in a faux tropical grotto that would make Disney World jealous? While simultaneously eating sub-par mexican food? Within a recreation of a 18th century Spanish-American church in a strip mall? Mention it to any Coloradoan and their face will light up in recognition. Everyone’s been there, and everyone has a story. Even outsiders know about the place, because it is our first and only nacho destination to be the subject of a South Park episode.
Yes folks, that is pretty much exactly what Casa Bonita is like. Eighteen years ago, this nacho patroller got lost in Black Bart’s Cave, panicked, and ran headfirst into a rock wall. Hoping not to repeat this experience, she returned once more with a friend in tow, and sampled the nacho salad:
- Appearance: (3) Wan lettuce does not a salad make. We’re calling this what it was: a boring plate of nachos with some lettuce tossed on top. The only real cheese was lightly sprinkled, unmelted on top; a few sad tomatoes were the only spark of life.
- Quality of Ingredients: (1) Ever seen an Oriental Trading catalogue? Pages upon pages of brightly colored party supplies, seasonal chatckes and goody-bag toys. In theory, it sounds like a great idea– a dozen “Villanous Hairy Mustaches” or 144 “Halloween Pencil-Top Erasers”for $4.99? As Cartman would say, “Awesome!”. But then you realize that you paid good money for some unabashedly tacky, poorly made, completely unnecessary item. That’s how we feel about the ingredients of these nachos.
- Distribution of Toppings: (5) In lieu of actual cheese, they used cheese sauce, which got everywhere; however, it was thin and watery and everything it touched turned yucky. We commenced a desperate, ultimately futile search for naked chips.
- Price: (2) $12 is totally not worth it for these nachos. But let’s face it, you aren’t here for the food, you’re here for the spectacle.
- Overall: 10. The worst nachos that this patroller has ever eaten. But the cliff-diving show, scary cave, old-time photos, arcade, and underground mining-themed dining room were enough to take our minds off of them.
These nachos should be thrown off a cliff and then banished to Black Bart’s Cave.
Posted in Nacho Reviews | Tagged cheese sauce, Denver, Disney World, Queso, South Park, Theme Restaurants, vegetable distasters | 2 Comments »
October 1, 2009 by nachopatrol
Despite their south-of-the-border roots, nachos have a chameleon-like ability to fit into any cuisine. We’ve had good luck before with Big City’s Mediterranean Nachos, so when the opportunity arose to try Irish nachos (oh, the possibilities! Potatoes! Beer??) on our Denver vacation, we jumped at the chance. Jordan’s, an Irish pub on the edge of DU, provided us with these beauties: kettle-fried potato chips topped with corned beef, swiss cheese, horseradish dijon, tomatoes and scallions.
- Appearance: (8 ) Colorful, not too gooey, but still exciting.
- Quality of Ingredients: (9) We are mildly obsessed with potato chips. Kettle chips, even more. These were clearly house-made and delicious. The corned beef was equally sublime, and the dijon creation added a nice zing. The tomatoes and scallions were fresh and delicious, and swiss cheese added a nice mellow flavor.
- Distribution of Toppings: (8 )There was little viscosity in the toppings on these nachos; then again potato chips work better without toppings than do tortilla chips. However, they made the dish as a whole heavy to eat, and when they did get a little soggy, they became immediately unpalatable. The cheese was distributed well, although we could have used a little more of the corned beef.
- Price: (7) Everything in Denver is cheaper than in Boston…except for these nachos, at $9.
- Overall: 32/40. We traveled from Boston, land of the Irish, to Denver, land of delicious Mexican food… and found a delicious Irish take on Mexican food. There’s a conclusion to be drawn from that…somewhere.
Posted in Nacho Reviews | Tagged Colorado, Denver, Foreign Correspondant, Irish food, Irish Pub, Specialty nachos | Leave a Comment »
September 13, 2009 by nachopatrol
Just when we thought an old dog was all out of tricks, along come these bad boys. The Sunset-Industrial Complex has already filled our bellies and our pages on three separate occasions, and we were suffering from nacho-induced fatigue. Fortunately, Big City came along and renewed our passion for the sport with arguably their best contribution to the nacho canon so far, the Mediterranean Nacho: pita chips covered with spinach and artichoke dip, jack and feta cheese, chopped balsamic tomatoes, kalamata olives, roasted peppers, and hummus on the side.
- Appearance: (7) Grainy photo aside, compact pile of temptation and deliciousness. Not as gooey as traditional nachos, but that often comes with the territory. Colors were a little muted, perhaps bordering on sickly. As with many things in life, much of the fun of specialty nachos is in the discovery, and we were eager to get to know these (Biblically?? -Ed.)
- Quality of Ingredients: (10) On the whole, everything was delicious. With so many unique flavors floating around on the plate, each bite was an adventure. The tomatoes, peppers and olives provided a nice texture contrast to the creaminess of the cheese and spinach dip. The hummus was particularly delicious, some of the best we have ever tasted.
- Distribution of Toppings: (9) Sunset (and by extension Big City) knows how to layer. There was a definite secondary cheese layer underneath which filled us with glee. Even without such exceptional layering, these nachos could have survived: pita chips on their own are far more entertaining to the palate than tortilla chips, and the hummus for dipping was sublime. The cheese ratio was well thought out– it was about 2/3 jack, the rest feta, providing just the right amount of flavor and texture.
- Price: (8) Nine bucks for a delicious, memorable and manageable plate of nachos.
- Overall: 34. The best specialty nacho we have ever seen would undoubtedly hold its own in the big leagues as well.
Posted in Nacho Reviews | Tagged Allston, beer, Big City, mediterranean, Specialty nachos, Sunset | 2 Comments »
September 13, 2009 by nachopatrol
Newbury Street often reminds us of a high school cafeteria: while inhabited by a number of widely disparate groups, they stick to their own clearly defined turf. Hipsters rule the west end, starting at the Otherside, mingling with the tourists at Urban Outfitters and extending up to around the area of Espresso Royale. The opposite end belongs to the rich– they shop at Chanel, Burberry and Louis Boston, brunch at Stephanie’s, then get a $75 blowout at Enzo’s. Somewhere in the middle of all this, Trident Booksellers & Cafe stands as a just-hip-enough neutral zone, where these two groups (and everyone else in between) can mix and mingle over breakfast, beers, and hard-to-find ‘zines. On a recent weekday afternoon, we enjoyed the late summer sun on the patio and played a round of our favorite Newbury Street people-watching game, “Gay or European?” while noshing on the Trident fries and a plate of nachos:
- Appearance: ( 8 )Deliciously melty, mottled cheese with a sprinkling of spicy chopped green…something. A few tomatoes peek through. Salsa and sour cream (not pictured) arrived on the side. Sadly, a bit of char brought them down a few points.
- Quality of Ingredients: (5) Good cheese, decent chips, but not much else stood out. There were some very spicy peppers hidden in the midst which caused a minor crisis, as the waiter had neglected to bring our beverages. Overall, these just weren’t that good or memorable.
- Distribution of Toppings: (5) The idea of layering clearly never crossed the chef’s mind. One solid layer of cheese on top of several layers of chips does not a good nacho make. Adding insult to injury, most of the chips on the bottom were broken into pieces too tiny to be at all helpful in scooping up stray toppings. After exhausting all of the tasty bits, we were left with a depressingly full, boring plate.
- Price:(7) $7, which wasn’t too bad. We didn’t finish them, only because we really didn’t want to. We don’t, however, appreciate that adding chicken would have brought them up to $12. That had better be some damn fine chicken….
- Overall: 25. The Trident is a great indie treasure on Newbury Street, and much of their menu looks delicious and inventive. It’s a shame that they went the boring, generic route with these nachos. They should do everyone a favor (and heed the Border Cafe, for once) and just take them off the menu.
Posted in Nacho Reviews | Tagged broken chips, generic, high school, hipsters, Newbury Street, pet peeves | 1 Comment »
August 30, 2009 by nachopatrol
In the desert of overpriced, overtouristed downtown dining destinations, Fajitas and ‘Ritas is a welcome oasis of cheap, purposely tacky goodness. Bright Mexican-themed murals cover the walls, the tables are covered with butcher paper for easy cleanup, and the menu…well, it is unlike anything we have ever seen before. If a sushi menu and Massachusetts RMV form #837-B ran off to Mexico to have a love child, this is what it would resemble. Rather than having a waitress verbally take the order, this fine dining establishment provides each table with a form listing the entire menu, drinks and all; you simply check off the things you want, and the waitress takes it to the kitchen. It is even made of carbon paper, so that one copy is left at the restaurant and another can be taken home with you. In the case of the nachos, the base of chips and cheese is provided, and you choose what toppings you would like to include by circling them on a list. Mad with our newfound power, we went a little crazy…
Nacho plate #1 consisted of chicken, refried beans, guacamole and black olives:
After thoroughly enjoying this plate, (and with the relief of a third reviewer coming to join), we decided to throw our hats into the ring for round #2: Steak and chili.
- Appearance: (9)Cheesy deliciousness all over the place, with barely a chip or topping poking through. A massive glop of guacamole and the black olives added a nice touch of color to the first plate. Like a cool pool on a hot summer day, we wanted to dive right in.
- Quality of Ingredients: (9) Almost all of the toppings were very high quality. Both the steak and the chicken were tender, moist and deliciously seasoned. The refried beans and chili could have definitely held their own as the central ingredient of the nacho plate. The cheese stayed melty and inviting until the very end. Even the guac, though clearly not homemade, was fresh and zesty. The chips were the biggest downfall: A bit too dense, and lacking in full-bodied flavor.
- Distribution of Toppings: (7) The sheer volume of cheese covering both plates of nachos made a low distribution score nigh impossible. Still, there was little effort put into layering: it was just chips under toppings under cheese. Whether through foresight or stinginess, these nachos were relatively flat, making multiple layers welcome but not essential.
- Price: (8) Chips and cheese started at $3.10, with each topping incurring an additional cost. These, for the most part, were pretty reasonably priced, and while we don’t remember exactly how much each plate cost, the total for two not-insignificant plates of nachos and a liter of sangria came to $30. Amen to that!
- Overall: 33/40. Aside from being delicious, these nachos got us thinking, about choice, free will, and their effect on both the human condition and on nachos. Never, aside from our own attempts at nacho construction, have we had such free reign over the content of our nachos. It is illuminating to have all of one’s choices presented in bullet points with relative prices attached; it makes one realize just what is important in nachos. While we enjoy tomatoes, we decided to skip them and the corresponding additional $0.95 in lieu of other things. The same went for sour cream, jalapenos, etc. Were these nachos better off for that? It is difficult to say. Non-essential does not imply non-beneficial; while we may not particularly enjoy many of the things on our nachos, sometimes it takes their absence to really appreciate them. These nachos were a wonderful, worthwhile, memorable event; but they did remind us that often, in nachos as in life, it is not reaching the ultimate goal so much as the details of the journey that make it so grand.
Posted in Nacho Reviews | Tagged cheap, choose your own adventure, Downtown Boston, Sangria, Tex Mex, Theory of Nachos, Viva Mexico! | 2 Comments »
August 9, 2009 by nachopatrol
When the Mexican Cafe in Auckland claims to offer the “experience [of] real Mexican food,” we suspect that they in fact mean the “experience of only half-way acceptable Tex-Mex and overpriced drinks served in a kitschy and utterly stereotyped atmosphere.” The designers of Epcot Center’s Mexico exhibit–complete with Mayan temple and a river ride–would be jealous of this place. With vibrant colors highlighting the walls, overflowing crepe paper, Christmas lights, a large tile mosaic, and the extensive collection of Mexican airport souvenirs, this place looks to have fallen out of a mariachi band’s closet. Yes, the atmosphere wins the Mexican Cafe points, and we’ve been told by at least two drunk people that the 11pm Friday salsa dancing is choice, but unfortunately we can’t say the same about the nachos.
Note: Mexican Cafe offers four (4!!!) types of nachos, ranging in price from $11.50 to $20 (all prices in NZD). In Nacho Patrol style, we went for the upper echelon, the Extra Special Nachos:
- Appearance: (6) we’ve heard that New Zealand is a very green country, and these nachos were no exception. Riddled with lettuce (alas the day!), guacamole, and cilantro, Mexican Cafe nachos were like a taco salad with extra chips. The sea of sour cream certainly didn’t help the cause, though we did appreciate the sprinkle of color offered by the tomatoes.
- Quality of toppings: (7) the quality just barely ekes by as the strong suit in this review. Good, if a little underwhelming, guac, accented by the freshness of the tomatoes and the cilantro. We also felt some affinity for the “mild tomato based sauce” (a salsa stand-in?), and if you like your beef to taste like it came from a 99 cent Shaws taco mix (and we do), then you’re in luck. Think ground Taco Bell meat, but only slightly higher quality. The chips, on the negative side, were generally unpleasant–greasy and not properly salted–nor can remember much about the beans, onions, or cheese. Probably for the following reason…
- Distribution: (5) we wanted to give distribution a higher rating, but unfortunately we were too busy scouring the plate for some small speck of cheese. The lettuce, guac, and sour cream played their parts well, blending together to coat the plate in a viscous, pale green mess. How appetizing. Yet there we found perhaps one measly strand of clear cheese. While not nearly so MIA, but still sadly lacking, we also had trouble finding these mythical beans the menu touted. There might have been three. Four would be pushing it. Not like it mattered–they didn’t taste like anything anyway.
- Price: (2) we actually wanted to take points off for price, but since we’re feeling generous and giddy from a day of hiking, we decided to settle for the second lowest price score Nacho Patrol has ever awarded (it’s hard to beat El Paso’s woeful score of 1). Mexican Cafe charges an even $20 (USD $13.40) for chicken or beef “Extra Special Nachos,” which are handily finished by one person. Factor in credit card fees and the suddenly rising exchange rate, and this particular plate left a sizable dent in our New Zealand nacho budget (which we can assure you is ample).
- Overall: 20/40. We really wanted these nachos to be successful. After all, this is THE place to go in Auckland for Mexican food. Yet in the end, all our prayers at the alter Our Lady of Guadeloupe proved to be naught, leaving us to conclude that one should come to the Mexican Cafe for the salsa dance and leave shortly thereafter.
On side note, and one of interest to Smasharita, don’t waste your money on the margaritas. In fact, don’t waste your money at any bar in the Auckland area because they more than likely are giving you half-shots and watering down the liquor. NSD $13 for the Sunshine Margarita which, while refreshing, was just about as weak as dishwater and tasted vaguely like fresh cut grass. Border Cafe, oh HOW WE MISS YOU!
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Auckland, Foreign Correspondant, Margaritas, New Zealand, Random Rants, Salsa dance, Vague racism, Viva Mexico! | 2 Comments »
August 5, 2009 by nachopatrol
Your second—and admittedly woefully late—New Zealand nacho review comes courtesy of Boston University, who lovingly footed the bill for two types of nachos at O’Hagan’s, a dimly lit Irish bar on Auckland’s Viaduct. If you follow Nacho Patrol’s exploits, you probably know that free things almost always taste better: perhaps that why we can definitively affirm that decent nachos exist in countries ruled (ceremonial or not) by Queen Elizabeth II.
We’re willing to wager that a member of Nacho Patrol has never been so excited by the presence of nachos. A-Trixx literally jumped from her chair on sight of these beauties, but the magic comes in the reviewing:
- Appearance: (7) served in a scathingly hot griddle, these nachos present what we’ve come to expect of non-US nachos. A selection of bright yellow chips melded perfectly with the redness of the chili, speckled with kidney beans, pale-green guacamole, sour cream, and a drizzling of what looked like thinly chopped chives or cilantro (but probably is something we can’t even begin to imagine). However, anyone who knows anything about mass-market cheese knows that melted provolone looks more like dead jellyfish and quite a bit less like delicious.
- Distribution: (6) If you recall our rant about the round chips at J.J. Foley’s, you already know about our Generalized Theory of Chip Nesting, and how it relates to the phenomenon of the Naked Chip. Disco on top, nudest colony on bottom. Similarly, we had sad lack of cheese–the few greasy, congealed strands we did find existed as a gloopy melange of flavorlessness, topped by too much sour cream (Nacho Patrol is all about making new words today). Nachos are about the cheese, folks! It doesn’t matter how good your toppings are if you don’t have a solid foundation!
- Quality of toppings: (6) As I mentioned, O’Hagen’s served us both beef chili nachos and a vegetarian option. To this date, we still have no idea what they put on the vegetarian nachos–with no obvious clues from the menu, we can only infer that it was some sort of warm-salsa-like medley, complete with a variety of veggies (was that green bean?). Our vegetarian cohorts enjoyed it quite thoroughly, though it’s meat sister had a somewhat strange, sweet flavor. Call us uncultured Americans, but we also were uncertain about the cheese–provolone has quite a strong flavor, much better left to sandwiches and not nachos. Give us cheddar any day of the week. Otherwise, good, mild guac and pleasantly salted chips.
- Price: (7) Though we didn’t pay anything for these beauties, we’ll review the menu price– NZD $14.50 (USD $9.50). By Boston standards, that’s actually not too outrageous. In fact, in the US that’s pretty much the going rate, which is why they get…an average score.
- Overall: 26/40. If you’re in Auckland and desperate for nachos, these probably will do it for you. Not great, but not horrible either, Mexican food in New Zealand seems to tread the middle road. Nacho Patrol will continue, however, to believe in that mecca of South Pacific Nacho Brilliance.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Auckland, Foreign Correspondant, Irish Pub, New Words, New Zealand, Obscure references to Irish Literature, Theory of Nachos, Viaduct | Leave a Comment »
August 5, 2009 by nachopatrol
Nachos are everywhere, you just have to look for them. While on a daycation on Nantasket Beach in Hull, MA (motto: come for the placid water, leave because of the biting flies), a lone reviewer went for a beer in the out-of-doors and came away stuffed to the gills with nachos. For nacho patrolling is more than a job, it’s a lifestyle; and you can never get away from that.
The Red Parrot is a multi-level bar/restaurant right on the beach with a lovely, if plastic-laden (chairs, tables, utensils, cups, etc.) roof deck that overlooks the ocean. Don’t let the Corona umbrellas fool you– they actually have a semi-decent, if small, draft list. On this particular Wednesday afternoon, the crowd consisted of about 50% bikers, the rest made up of townie barflies, tourists, and the odd South Shore bro. They all shared one thing in common though: an affinity for seriously questionable body art. The highlight had to be a 10-inch tall, full-color, detailed representation of none other than everyone’s old friend, Captain Morgan. Classy. But yarr, enough chit chat, there be nachos to be had!
- Appearance: (6) Haphazard, colorful, with a large vat of guacamole on the side. On closer inspection,however, it became clear that much of the range of color was due to various shades of char.
- Quality of Ingredients: (4) God, I hope that the cook got distracted or something and that that they don’t normally leave nachos in the broiler this long, because these were burnt to a crisp! It was worse than anything we had ever seen before. The red chips were turned dark brown, the white were turned purple…it was a crime against nature. Some of the cheese was so crisp that it was mistaken for chips! The salsa was standard and the chili was pretty generic. The guacamole, to which all the hopes for these nachos were soon pinned, upon further examination turned out to be woefully stringy.
- Distribution of Toppings: (4) When the cheese is crisp enough to masquerade as a chip, then it isn’t serving it’s purpose within the nachos. There was also not nearly enough chili to make up for the lack of moisture. The salsa on top invaded everything, unfortunately. And the chips themselves were abnormally large, making proper distribution (not to mention consumption!) a bit too difficult.
- Price: (5) At $10, plus one extra for guac, the small would definitely be enough for two people. Too bad they sucked so much that it would be hard to con someone else into eating them…
- Overall: 19/40. You’re way better off just getting some fried clams and fro-yo up the road…
Posted in Nacho Reviews | Tagged bad tattoos, beaches, burned to a crisp, Outdoor eating, South Shore | Leave a Comment »
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