Tag Archives: Theory of Nachos

Nachos To-Go: Mystery Solved!

15 Apr

Ah, the age-old problem. It’s Thursday night, 9pm. You’re wandering alone in Kenmore Square, dodging cars on one side and panhandlers on the other. You’re hungry, but not for any old snack. You want something crispy and spicy, drenched in cheese and oozing with pinto beans. A quiet Qdoba stands to your right. The chicken nachos call out to you, their sweet embrace dancing in a whisper on the wind. You have your hand on the door, but wait! A problem! You don’t want to dine in the restaurant–you didn’t bring a book and you don’t want to seem so lonesome. But your home, your own Nacho Patrol World Headquarters, is some twenty minutes away. By the time you get your nachos home, the chips will be soggy, the queso cold, the shredded cheese oily and congealed.

Qdoba, however, understands your pain. Which is why they now separate the chips from the toppings when you choose to take away. Here’s what Nacho Patrol found in the bag once they made it home:

A bag of chips

A bag of chips

Plus….

A bowl of goopy toppings

Equals….

Innovation

We’re pretty sure this is going to revolutionize not only the way that we eat food at home, but more centrally, how our generation, and countless generations to come, will be able to get out of bed in the morning and face the day. The time for suffering has ended, my friends, the coffin to the soggy chip closed and nailed shut. Grab a Corona and a bottle of Tums–it’s time to Rejoice!

St. Patty’s Day at Cornwalls: A few not-so-surprising thoughts RE: corned beef and jalepenos

22 Mar

We are FAR too lazy to review nachos these days. Spring is in the air and the last thing we want to do is continue to pad our abs with globs of cheese. But since we’re in Boston, we couldn’t pass up the chance to venture into the bowels of Kenmore Square in hopes of finding some quality Irish nachos this last St. Patrick’s Day. The beer was green, the Jameson was neat, and the Drop Kick Murphy’s were playing somewhere. Sadly, if there were nachos in the area, they were not forthcoming, and we were forced to take matters into our own hands at Cornwall’s Pub.

First and foremost, we were under the impression that Cornwall’s didn’t have nachos. Many a night when we were looking to do some quality sloshin’ and noshin’, we confirmed with some now-MIA companions that Cornwall’s didn’t do nachos. They do darts and board games and occasionally a drunk Dean of Student, but not nachos. We’d made peace with that. And then someone tells us they have nachos–and not just normal nachos, but nachos with genuine Velveeta-esque cheese sauce! That was something we needed to know about years ago! Judging from our other encounters with queso-ed nachos, a formal review of Cornwall’s nachos probably won’t go very well, but the prospect of finally finishing off the Kenmore bars gets us all worked up.

But that’s not what we’re here to talk about today. Today, we need to make a public service announcement.

As always, please disregard the photo quality. Alcohol, green food coloring, and dim lighting were factors. These are Cornwall’s normal nachos, except in our desperation to bring the luck of the Irish to our obsession, we elected to order them with corned beef. Great idea, right? A great idea until you remember that the following things don’t go well with corned beef: velveeta, sour cream, salsa, white cheese, and (most importantly) jalepenos. Individually, we enjoy all of these things. Together, it was a little bit of a disaster….a disaster which we nonetheless consumed with childlike glee/drunk munchies.

Now, if we were to make the perfect Irish nacho, it would include some sort of potato based chip substitute (potato chips or potato skins for instance), a cabbage slaw of some persuasion, some cheesy binder, and a pile of perfectly prepared, perhaps shredded, corned beef. It would not, despite what this website suggests, contain anything vaguely Tex-Mex. Shockingly, those two flavors just don’t mix.

We’ll be keeping that in mind for the next St. Patty’s Day. In the mean time, keep a keen eye out for our upcoming, very professional, well-planned, never drunk Official Review of Cornwall’s nachos.

2009 Nacho Round-up

10 Jan

Well folks, it’s been quite a year, especially in the world of nachos.  After 12 months, 62 reviews, and approximately 7,428,391 calories, we’re reflecting on our year, and this is what we have found:

Fenway News: After a year and half of dedicated reviewing, we can safely say that there simply aren’t good nachos in the Fenway area. Trust us, we have done the leg work. After our disastrous 2008 review at Beer Works (23), we didn’t have much luck at Lower Depths (27), Cask & Flagon (28), or at Fenway (18) itself. The closest we came was Uno’s (30), and since it’s a chain, we tend to not count it as an independent “Fenway area” bar. In short, stick to hot wings, Bud Light, and street vendors. It’s what Fenway does best.

Boylston News: Avid readers will know that we’ve tackled many of the most famous restaurants on Boylston Street in something we’ve called the five-part Official Boylston Epic. This doesn’t include anything in on Newbury or the surrounding area…not that there’s much going on to mention. To be honest, everything is overshadowed by Pour House (number 1 with 36!), but if we had to recommend others, we’d probably have to go with Whiskey’s (29) and their extra spicy chili and Cactus Club’s (29) super cheesy nachos.

Best “Foreign”: Over the year, our crack team of Foreign Correspondents has circled the globe in hope of finding good nachos. So far…well, take a look for yourself. Apparently, the farther you get from Mexico, the worse they get. The two bright spots have to be Jordan’s (31) Irish Specialty Nachos just outside of Denver University and the Big Four Nachos at Bryant Lake Bowl (30) in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Best Specialty: sometimes, getting away from the typical bar nacho can be an enlightening experience, and after all the great specialty nachos we’ve had this year, we feel practically blissful!

  1. Big City Mediterranean Nachos (34): pita chips covered with spinach and artichoke dip, jack and feta cheese, chopped balsamic tomatoes, kalamata olives, roasted peppers, and hummus on the side. Greek and unique!
  2. Christopher’s Yuppie Nachos (31): sour cream, guacamole, jack and cheddar cheeses, goat cheese, and sun-dried tomatoes. It makes our mouths water just thinking about it!
  3. Jordan’s Irish Nachos (32): kettle-fried potato chips topped with corned beef, swiss cheese, horseradish dijon, tomatoes and scallions. If your nachos aren’t fattening enough, get them with potato chips.

Best bar nachos: Let’s start off first with a definition–bar nachos are any plate with tortilla chips, cheddar cheese (or equivalent), chili or chicken (or similar protein), salsa, guacamole, and sour cream. Maybe some jalapenos and black olives for good measure. That said, we can say unequivocally that Sunset Cantina and Sunset Grill & Tap (35) have the best, most reliably good bar nachos around. With a variety of interesting proteins and an eye for brilliant distribution, we have never been disappointed with Sunset nachos. Our only complaint is the shredded lettuce on top. However, the keenest readers among you will notice that we’ve given Harry’s Bar and Grill (35.5) a higher total score. All we can say is that this score is up for reevaluation after a particularly unpleasant nacho experience we had at the aforementioned bar…Nonetheless, we will leave it up for the time being.

Excellence in Mexicana: no, nachos aren’t Mexican. We’ll admit it…begrudgingly. Nonetheless, 2009 saw some great nachos at Boston’s “Mexican” restaurants. Cantina La Mexicana (32) in Union Square and Cafe Sol Azteca (32) on the edge of Boston University campus may have had tied scores, but we’ve got to give Cantina the number one spot simply for their amazing waitstaff. Still, both restaurants had great foods, great drinks, and a great atmosphere. Viva Mexico!

Best Nachos on a Mediocre Internet Date: Cambridge Common (31). Self explanatory.

Best Nachos with Cheese Sauce: Nachopatrol is divided on the issue of cheese sauce.  Some like it, some hate it, but all came together to hail the Rattlesnake Bar & Grill (28) for their legitimately cheesy, obviously homemade sauce.  Although their sauce tasted from a can, the friendliness and persistence in following our blog that the fine people of JJ Foley’s (also 28) have demonstrated gives them an honorable mention.

Biggest Disappointments/Hall of Shame: Coolidge Corner Clubhouse (21).  After bragging about their nachos, and hearing about them from many others, we were disgusted to find a towering inferno of burned, greasy chips and lackluster toppings. Sometimes we can be accused to bias, but in the case of the CCC, the coffin has been shut, nailed closed, burned, and the ashes buried under six feet of earth. We will never return.

Nacho Patrol of the Year: Every now and then we get on our knees and thank the stars that Border Cafe (32) in Harvard Square exists, so maybe it’s not surprising that most fun we’ve ever had while Nacho Patrolling was at this upbeat, friendly, and always-packed Tex-Mex restaurant. And that’s not just the margs talking! After order $15 worth of dips and sides, we created our own nacho plate, and even got a manager to discuss with us why a Tex-Mex joint doesn’t have nachos. As she explained it, Border only deals in “original” Tex-Mex. We’re still not sure what that means–it must be ego that allows them to call enchiladas and fajitas original. But whatever. It was worth the doubting looks. Bring back Cholula and we’ll be there every day.

Review of the Year: It goes without saying that our favorite review had to be of Nachopalooza ’09. What will become a yearly tradition (and by yearly, we mean weekly), Nachopalooza allowed us to express our nacho love with our 20 closest friends, while drinking jello shots (SPRING BREAK) and taking pictures with our homemade Carson Daly. So, if you’re thinking of hosting your own very classy, very tasty nacho party, read our syllabus.

2009’s Most Controversial Nacho: The review hasn’t been posted yet, but trust us. It will get violent.

Best Comment: This year’s comment award was a tie between Mama S, who hated our blog so much it made her puke and the good people of J.J. Foley’s, who gave us hope that perhaps our reviews will one day change the world of nachos. Unfortunately, Andi was the tie-breaker, and because of a possible conflict of interest (Mama S=her mom), she had to bow out of the race.

Worst: That’s right, these are our worst nachos of the year. Avoid like SARS (or maybe Swine Flu)…

  1. Other Side (17): Technically, The Other Side had a higher score than El Paso and Casa Bonita, but we hate it so much that we gave it the honorable position of #1 Worst Nacho Anywhere in the World. Congrats, you over-rated piece of shit, hipster hell hole.
  2. Casa Bonita (10): The lowest nacho score to date, but no one was expecting much.
  3. El Paso (15): Only slightly better than a poke in the eye.
  4. White Horse (21):  We’re ashamed to admit we even considered this American-cheese monstrosity.
  5. Coolidge Corner Clubhouse (21): A low-down, dirty punch to the aorta.

Top Ten Nachos of 2009:

  1. Harry’s
  2. Sunset
  3. Big City Mediterranean Nachos
  4. Fajita’s and ‘Ritas
  5. Cantina La Mexicana
  6. Sol Azteca
  7. Crossroads
  8. Cambridge Common
  9. Christopher’s Yuppie Nachos
  10. Bryant Lake Bowl