Tag Archives: Joe Mauer

CitySide’s Buffalo Chicken Nachos: The Horror, The Horror!

14 Jul
We really should have known better.  We’d had mediocre-to-terrible experiences with both CitySide and buffalo chicken nachos in the past– why tempt fate and try the combination of both?  Perhaps it was hopefulness, perhaps naivete, perhaps it was even the dreamy beefcake aura of American Leauge All-star starting catcher Joe Mauer emanating from the TVs above, but something drove us to think that ordering these nachos was a good idea. Featuring cheddar and blue cheese, shredded buffalo chicken, shredded carrots, sweet corn and sour cream, they had to at least be interesting, right? RIGHT? Wrong.  We were quickly plunged headfirst into a terrifying nacho nightmare.
  • Appearance: (3) Reminiscent of the Coolidge Corner Clubhouse in their lack of structural integrity, we knew from a distance that this plate was going to be, in one way or another, a beast.  Upon closer examination the first thing we noticed was the sour cream, which appeared to be curdling and separating, and we knew we were in for a struggle.
  • Quality: (1) We debated whether or not we should award these nachos a zero for quality. We’ve never doled such a woeful score, but then again, we’ve never had nachos this bad. There was absolutely nothing right about this plate. The chips were stale and occasionally burnt, the corn  and carrot strips were superfluous, and the salsa was from a jar.  The “buffalo chicken” listed in the description was such in name only, as it actually consisted of plain, unseasoned shredded chicken and a completely separate splash of buffalo sauce, which tasted like straight vinegar and black pepper and was entirely off-putting.  The blue cheese, which we were excited about, had decidedly past it’s expiration date and tasted strongly of mold (and not the right kind).  We can only hope that this means these nachos are rarely ordered, and thus that not too many innocents have met this dire fate…
  • Distribution: (2) Everything was haphazard and uneven.  Because of the way the “buffalo chicken” was arranged, these nachos were half chicken desert and half buffalo swamp.  When we flipped off the top few chips to rid ourselves of the sour cream, this is the horror that presented itself:

We found it akin to what the medical examiner would find in your stomach after you ate these nachos, suffered massive internal organ damage, and died.  It says a lot about these nachos that we were thankful the poor distribution, because the naked chips and bottled salsa were the only things worth eating.

  • Price: (1) Instead of $12, these could have cost 12 cents and they would still have earned a 1.  Such a total waste.
  • Overall: 7/40.  CitySide, you have hit a new low we never even thought possible.  Please, for the love of God, take this monstrosity off the menu.  These nachos were so bad, they have nearly turned us off food entirely.

Pour House Redux: Sloppy Seconds

12 Mar

Nacho Patrol prides itself on never leading its readers and loyal fans astray. The thought of promoting a bad plate of nachos breaks the clogged arteries where our hearts used to be. But at the same time, we’re admitted sissies…for over a year we’ve been too scared to go back to Pour House because we didn’t want to risk our review of the #1 nachos in Boston. What if they weren’t that good? What if they’d raised the price? What if the cheese wasn’t as melty, the chili not as spicy, the chips not as crunchy? Our top tier nacho spank-bank contributor would be ravished! Rather than take that chance, we’ve gone fifteen months without monitoring the situation at Pour House. But now, bolstered by Spring Break and myriad naughty thoughts about Joe Mauer, we were ready to make our triumphant return to Pour House.

However, there was one small problem: we’re giant failures.

Because of technical difficulties and general stupidity on our part and on the part of the lone crazy guy waiting tables in the basement of Pour House, we can’t call this an actual review. Still, look at those babies! That’s about 5 stories of nacho goodness through and through. If you ignore the fact these are sans chili and black beans (failure #1), Pour House nachos are looking ripe for nacho perfection. The price is still right: $8.50 for their Nachos Grande, which handily defeated three Patrollers. And the flavors are all still there: yummy chili, fresh salsa, decent black beans. The cheese was a bit scant, but we blame that in part on what we had to do to actually make these Nachos Grande:

That’s right. They got our order wrong (failure #2). We’ll take the blame for compounding the problem by simply ordering a bowl of chili and a bowl of beans to dump on top. By the time the ingredients were assembled, the cheese was stiff and the chips were soggy. Distribution was a problem and by the end we had ourselves a mess of sour cream and floppy, naked chips. Now that’s just depressing.

Nacho Patrol can be accused of bias: maybe we want these nachos to be the best so we ignore the failings. Then again, we’re a team of optimists. We see the best in a plate of nachos and we recognize the potential for greatness. The moral of the story is this: when you go to Pour House (and you should. Often.) do what you have to do to get the Nachos Grande. Make sure that crazy waiter hears you. Keep your ID’s out and ready for action if you want a beer. Maybe bring a trumpet-style hearing aid if your hearing is at all compromised. But whatever you do, GET EXCITED: for the moment, these are the best nachos in Boston!