Tag Archives: cleveland circle

Applebee’s: Chain, Chain, Chaaaaaiiiiiin……Chain of Foooooools……

11 Apr

Recent heavy rains and flooding in New England have wrecked havoc on the area and frankly, made us a little crazy. On the umpteenth evening of deluge, our primitive survival instincts took over and drove us to the nearest high ground, which happened to be the end of the C line.  There, remembering the good times we one had eating chain restaurant nachos, we holed up in Applebee’s and awaited the rainpocalypse with their Chili Cheese Nachos. This proved to be fateful error.  Were this a zombie movie, we would have died in the 35 minutes, crouched, trembling in a corner of the kitchen clutching a meat cleaver, only to be mauled from behind by the chef, now undead, exiting the walk-in freezer.  Fortunately for us, life does not imitate George Romero, and while we left poorer, fatter and grumpier, we made it out alive.

Hope is the thing with cheese sauce...

...That gets dashed upon the first bite.

  • Appearance: (5) Salad gone wrong.
  • Quality of Ingredients: (3) The chips were horribly stale, which ruined the whole nacho experience.  It doesn’t matter how good the toppings are, bad chips sink the ship, and these nachos had nothing helping to keep them afloat.  We didn’t realize that the term “chili cheese” was literal– the two ingredients were mixed into a wan, watery concoction that was much less than the sum of its parts. We almost appreciated the sour cream on top, so you KNOW it was bad.  Sad lettuce on top just added to the misery.
  • Distribution of Toppings: (6) Cheese sauce adds viscosity, but there were still naked chips.  We could have really used some guacamole or some heartier chili, or delivery from Roggies.
  • Price: (6) Sizeable, but regrettable for $8.69.
  • Overall: 20/40. No.  Just no.

If you needed any more reasons to avoid Applebee’s, they somehow felt that a green olive is the appropriate garnish for their “Perfect Margarita”.

Fish out of tequila

Applebee’s, we’re kicking you off the ark.

Roggies: Cleveland (Circle) Rocks!

14 Mar

The nachos of Cleveland Circle have so far not been kind to us.  CitySide (hereby dubbed ShittySide by Nacho Guest Patroler and Cleveland Circle resident Rox Con) was a gross disappointment, and we have yet to muster the fortitude to venture into the soul-crushing corporate abyss of that is Applebee’s (although considering how surprisingly well our other chain restaurant review went, we may want to suck it up and go sometime soon).  There was one last beacon of hope on the horizon, and that was Roggies; but from the get go, things seemed grim.  Despite the bouncer outside, the average age inside appeared to be 19; and the brims of baseball caps veered off at all sorts of angles, each douchier than the last.  Yes, our Douchebag-O-Meters were going off the charts as the BC bros caroused over scorpion bowls and beer towers, at their first stop in a long night likely leading to slipping that special someone a roofie at Mary Ann’s. Even the rest of the menu looked dubious–raw oysters? Rainbow trout*, meaning of asterisk undetermined?  Somehow, Roggies managed to transcend all of these portends and produce (could it be??!) good nachos!

  • Appearance: (8.5) An array of colors and textures, that upon closer examination revealed far more toppings than originally expected.  We’re taking off an extra half point for the plastic containers (not pictured) of salsa, sour cream and guacamole– how gauche!
  • Quality of Ingredients: (8) Let’s play a game called, “Rarely Seen Ingredients In The Boston Nacho Scene.”  Black olives? Check. Kidney beans? You betcha. A fresh vegetable that is not part of the salsa?  Say no more!  While everything else (chips, cheese, chili, guac) was good, it was the little details that pushed these nachos over the top.
  • Distribution of Toppings: (9) Massive amounts of melted cheese can never hurt, and while there were some naked chips, there was plenty of use for them, scooping up extra toppings.
  • Price: (6) At $12, on par for the area but not particularly outstanding.
  • Overall: 31.5.  We have it on good authority that this is one of the only things this place does right.  Still, at least they are good at something! If you are in the area and need nachos, this is likely your best bet.