Tag Archives: Celtics

Hurricane O’Reilly’s: Naturally, a Disaster

4 Dec

Save for The Fours and their delicious buffalo chicken nachos, the bars of the North Station area remain an unknown quantity to us. Perhaps it’s because we know exactly what to expect from them: crowds of Bruin and Celtic jersey-sporting bros in varying states of intoxication, out-of-towners who don’t know any better, average draft lists, and mediocre, overpriced food.  Before attending a recent Celtics game, we put our theory to the test and went right for the heart of Bro-Town: Hurricane O’Reilly’s.  The crown jewel in the strand of mass-produced Mardis Gras beads that is the Glynn Hospitality Group, Hurricane O’Reilly’s is the kind of place that’s sort of comforting in it’s timeless, generic blandness (and indeed, at least the website is in a time warp: it refers to TD Garden as the Fleet Center and has a completely obsolete menu).  Surprised to find the place rather empty for right before a game and 3(!) types of nachos on the menu, we forewent the plain (boring!) and buffalo chicken (too many bad memories) versions and ordered the Nachos Grande, which came with chili and BBQ pork.

  • Appearance: (4) For nachos “grande”, these certainly did not live up to the size of their name.  All of the colors seemed faded, and the salsa and sour cream were in plastic takeout containers.
  • Quality of Ingredients: (5.5) The chili was watery, and some of the chips were a little stale.  The large chunks of BBQ pork were OK, but would never have been tasty enough to carry a pulled pork sandwich on their own.  The red onions were intended to be pickled (which would have been a lovely touch) but still had too much of a bite to eat on their own.  And the cheese, while it was not quite the dreaded American cheese, came very close (we dubbed it “Guam cheese”).
  • Distribution of Toppings: (7) There was decent distribution, and even some cheese padding on the plate.  The watery chili made things soggy and sort of disappeared into the other ingredients; we wouldn’t have known it was there if it hadn’t been on the menu.
  • Price: (4) On the Sunset scale of size-to-price ratio, these barely registered.  But hey, it’s downtown…
  • Overall: 20.5/40.  We debated heading over to The Fours after the game to wash away these bad nacho memories with some good ones.  You would be wise to do the same, or just head there in the first place.
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Classics Revisited: Cambridge Common

20 Jun

We try to care about sports.  Really, we do.  Normally, Smasharita keeps our heads in the game by dragging us out/inviting us over for major Boston sporting events.  But now, Smash is gone, schlepping her passport through Arizona, and aside from Andi’s passion for the Twins (90% of which is based solely on Joe Mauer’s chiseled jawline) and Skyler’s perpetual hope that the Blazers will one day make it…somewhere (next year, boys!), there is little to get us invested in sports games, to really make our blood boil.

That is, other than Kobe Bryant.

Our hatred directed towards Kobe far exceeds the combined love of all our other sports interests.  It drives us to root for anyone opposing him, even a fellow Laker who accidentally throws him an elbow.  We don’t care that he’s handsome, fluent in several languages, the all-time highest scoring Laker of all time, and once made a cameo in a Destiny’s Child video.  Despite the criminal case being dropped, we will always think of him as a rapist.  And a bit of a D-Bag.  So on June 17, 2010, we agreed to meet to meet our green-shirted friends out at Cambridge Common in the hopes of seeing Kobe crushed by defeat.  Barring that, we at least wanted some decent nachos.  Sadly, we got neither.  We enjoyed the nachos when we were here over a year ago, but found them to be much downgraded.

  • Appearance: (7) Nothing here has changed…unfortunately.  We gave these an 8 last time but have since learned to expect better.
  • Quality of Ingredients: (6)  Gone were all the distinctive, homemade ingredients that made these nachos memorable.  The chips, far from the substantial ones of yore, were clearly of the store bought white corn variety.  The salsa tasted nothing of cilantro and everything of jar. No guacamole or sour cream were offered.  The chicken was decent but nowhere near zesty.  The jalapenos nearly burned our tongues off, which wasn’t so bad, as it distracted us from the pain of watching Kobe Bryant celebrate another NBA title.
  • Distribution of Toppings: (5) These nachos ran into the same problems of their predecessor– dryness from the lack of chili, uneven cheese coating, and naked chips.  However, without the extra toppings to help, the score is going down.
  • Price: (7) Price stays the same, size and quality do not.
  • Overall: 25/40.  We were much disappointed with the caliber of these nachos. ‘Till the next NBA final, we don’t anticipate ordering them again.

Chomp-Cheering Like a Champ: A Patroller’s Guide to Multi-Tasking

25 May

Oh, Boston. We may not have the tallest buildings. We may not have the nicest weather. We may not have the lowest crime ratings or highest income per capita or, hell, even the best nachos. But it cannot be contested that Boston has the best sports scene in the country. Besides our teams across the board being phenomenal (except maybe the Revolution, but who watches soccer?), Boston fans cheer the loudest (Irish alcoholism pays off) all year ’round.

Particularly when it comes to playoffs, it’s crucial that a Patroller be prepared to chant and cheer without dropping her cheesy plunder. So, for your edification and amusement, here are some tips for hanging on to your nachos at TD Bank Garden:

1) Replace stomps with chomps. Example: “DE-FENCE!” *Stomp*Stomp* becomes “DE-FENCE!” *Chomp*Chomp*. Note that your cheering may get a little muddled–whoever thought up this chant did not provide a flexible time to swallow between cheers.

2) Combine your cheese and salsa into one of the two compartments. Not only is this much more convenient for dipping, but you also free up a spot for your beer!

3) Unless you’re looking for comical banana-peel moments, don’t drop the extra jalapenos on the ground in front of you. Trust us.

As for the nachos themselves, they’re about what you can expect from stadium fast-food. If you’re looking for culinary uniqueness with complex spices and mastermind cooking techniques, may we recommend the sausage cart?

  • Appearance: (3) It must have taken a lot of food coloring to get the “salsa” that red.
  • Quality of Ingredients: (3) The cheese sauce was surprisingly spicy! Besides that delightful goody, though, the chips were straight out of a bag, the salsa was flavorless, and the jalapenos were soggy.
  • Distribution of Toppings: (1) Distro-whaaa?
  • Price: (5) Not that they’re worth it, but at $6.50 they’re probably the cheapest nachos you’ll find downtown 😉
  • Overall: 10/40. Yes, the numbers add up to 12, but think of the sheer potential TD Bank Garden has to come up with creative ‘chos. The salsa is practically Gatorade anyway, can’t they at least make it green? Offer them in a box shaped like a basketball field with salsa and cheese dip where the hoops are? Give us some round chips with a basketball pattern etched on with pepper?!? ANYTHING? For lack of imagination, we’re penalizing TD Bank Garden 2 points.

This review in no way reflects upon the Celtics, who, after finishing off the Magic in Orlando in front of their demoralized fans, will undoubtedly sweep Phoenix (or possibly LA) to bring the Conference Championships title home to Boston for the 18th time. GO CELTICS!