Up next in our thrilling series of nachofying our favorite non-nacho foods…pizza!
A wise soul (pretty sure it was Ben Franklin) once opined, “Pizza is a lot like sex . When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” How could we go wrong, right? Unfortunately, we forgot that turning a food into nachos immediately renders all related quotes null and void.
First step, replacing the chips. We sliced some of that cheese-covered artisan baguette that you can get at just about any grocery store, drenched it in garlic-flavored olive oil, and toasted it on baking sheets.
The olive oil ran low at the end (egads!) so the bread ranged from chewy to crouton-hard, which added a bit of variety.
The toppings came from a bastardized version of a Pizza Fondue recipe from a slow-cooker cookbook. We sauteed up some mushrooms, onions and sausage, then dumped it into our Crock Pot (TM) with a jar of pasta sauce, pepperoni and shredded mozzarella:
Once that was heated through and then cheese melted, we dumped it on top of the bread, topped it with additional mozzarella, and baked until melty. At this point, the whole thing weighed at least 5lbs. Make sure to use two hands when removing from oven!
Verdict? Long ago, while savoring some dessert nachos, we postulated that savory flavors add, while sweet flavors multiply. Well, it tuns out the salty flavors are actually capable of exponentiating if you get enough of them together. The combination of processed sausage plus processed pepperoni plus pasta sauce plus cheese created a mutant sodium monster. We consumed less than a fifth of these before throwing in the towel for the night. Apparently, like a fine wine and senior discounts, these only improved with age, but after leaving them out all night this reviewer was not willing to take that plunge.
This isn’t to say that pizzachos are a worthless undertaking. Quite to the contrary, we believe that they could be much improved with some simple adjustments. First off, something salty has got to give. Perhaps using uncured sausage, in addition to plain canned tomatoes over pasta sauce, would be all that is needed to make these a winner. After all, they definitely have the gooeyness down pat!