El Paso: Trial By Nacho Patrol

13 Jan

It is rare that a nacho patroller ventures on his/her own into the world of nachos. It is a dangerous, 2000+ calorie trek into unfamiliar territory that could either be brutal or leave one in a food coma. But, when the nachos are bad, a nacho patroller must warn both her comrades and the public at large. I submit this review for your connoisseuring approval.

El Paso is nestled in bustling Quincy Market of Government Center. In the sea of food to choose from, who wouldn’t be tempted to slip in some afternoon nachos before returning to those TPS reports? Hopefully you, after reading up on the perils hidden therein.

  • Appearance: Styrofoam. Un-classy, un-green, and unsanitary. Very colorful though, mostly lending to the beautiful fresh green guacamole dotted with ripe red tomatoes. (5)
  • Quality of toppings: The beans were hard. The cheese was the bland canned plastic-quality stuff you get glopped on chips at a ball game. The chips were super greasy, making themselves soggy before the toppings had a chance. The chicken looked and tasted like fried rodent gizzards. The salsa and guacamole were authentic and hand-made. But they were wasted on the corner cutting quality of the other ingredients. (2)
  • Distribution of toppings: There was plenty there and lots to spread around. Not that you’d want to. (7)
  • Price: $9. For the intestines of rats yielded by prying open traps from the floor of their kitchen and cheese they could have manufactured from mixing orange paint with melted Barbie dolls? Seriously? (1)
  • Overall: (15/40)

It isn’t true that no Mexicans work in Government Center. However, it is true that the ones who do work there don’t know how to make nachos. Spring for the Indian food across the way.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: