Tag Archives: Red Line

Tavern in the Square Porter: Family Feud

3 Sep

As the mercury rose into the mid-90′s, Tavern in the Square seemed like an excellent place to gratuitously mooch AC…and to engage in our first patrol in our new ‘hood.  But quickly after settling in, our safe haven revealed a more sinister side.  The menu seemed….suspiciously familiar.  Flipping to the back, we realized that the Tavern in the Squares are related to both Joshua Tree and CitySide, which, to put it nicely, are not exactly two of our favorite places.  Despite assurances that the Taverns are a little more upscale, the description of Tavern’s buffalo chicken nachos was IDENTICAL to those found at CitySide– a 7/40 monstrosity that is to date, the worst-rated plate of nachos we have ever tasted.  To say the least, we were skeptical…

  • Appearance: (6) We immediately questioned the structural integrity.  Why piled so high? Why not a bigger plate?  Why so much sour cream? And why the lettuce?? So many question marks, and not enough exclamation points.
  • Quality of Ingredients: (7)Nothing particularly stood out, other than the chips, which were dense, crispy and salty.
  • Distribution of Toppings: (6) We’ve finally found a use for the dreaded shredded lettuce: it makes a barrier against the even more dreaded sour cream hat, and allow for easier removal of the offending condiment!  In other news, there was a lot of cheese but the the tall, packed mass of chips made it near impossible for it to get everywhere.  The chili was on top, making it hard to grab chips without taking them from the bottom and risking collapse, reminding us once again of Jenga!
  • Price: (7)Expectedly overpriced at $12, but still too big for us to finish.
  • Overall: 26/40.  Yet another average nacho.  You may be better off trying some of their more interesting apps.

Dear Tavern in the Square/Joshua Tree/CitySide’s parents: We are seriously disappointed with your offspring.  They are no longer invited over to play.

Charlie’s Beer Garden: When it Rains Bad Nachos, it Pours

18 Jul

Final Jeopardy: Where in Boston can you both drink Harpoon Rasberry UFO on tap in the outdoors AND wait in the world’s longest line for the world’s dirtiest bathroom?  Why, at Charlie’s Beer Garden in Harvard Square, of course!  Run by the fine folks behind Charlie’s Kitchen right next door, the beer garden is a godsend during the summer, when alfresco drinking opportunities are few and far between.  We love the burgers here, and were very excited when nachos made a debut on their summer menu.  Do they earn their place in the permanent rotation?  Let’s find out!

  • Appearance: (6) Flat, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Decidedly cheesy to the naked eye, which is decidedly a good thing.
  • Quality of Ingredients: (5) Decent chips, though definitely not homemade.  The guacamole was gluey enough to be decidedly from a bag, but still appreciated.  The cheese was quite melty and delicious.  And then….we come to the chili.  At first bite it seemed innocently tasty.  Kidney beans and meatball-sized chunks of ground beef were pleasant surprised. But then, we realized that something with the chili was terribly, terribly wrong.  It didn’t seem at all more watery than usual, but for some bizarre reason any chip that touched it became immediately soaked.  And not soaked in a good way, with a thick, flavorful gravy– more like sodden.
  • Distribution of Toppings:  (4) While there were significant amounts of cheese and chili,  because of the aforementioned chili situation, this in the end rendered the topping-covered chips nearly inedible.   We picked at the edge and used forks to whittle away at the toppings, but in the end, we were left with this sizeable inedible remainder:

Now that’s just depressing.

  • Price: (2) We can’t remember how much they cost and they aren’t listed on the online menu.  Whatever it was, they weren’t worth it.
  • Overall:17/40.  Looks like the Otherside Cafe has some competition for the worst nachos served to you in the company of fixed-gear bike riding hipsters.

It was fitting, nay, even poetic that after these soggy nachos, God saw fit to open up the skies for a surprise downpour and soak them even more.

Classics Revisited: Cambridge Common

20 Jun

We try to care about sports.  Really, we do.  Normally, Smasharita keeps our heads in the game by dragging us out/inviting us over for major Boston sporting events.  But now, Smash is gone, schlepping her passport through Arizona, and aside from Andi’s passion for the Twins (90% of which is based solely on Joe Mauer’s chiseled jawline) and Skyler’s perpetual hope that the Blazers will one day make it…somewhere (next year, boys!), there is little to get us invested in sports games, to really make our blood boil.

That is, other than Kobe Bryant.

Our hatred directed towards Kobe far exceeds the combined love of all our other sports interests.  It drives us to root for anyone opposing him, even a fellow Laker who accidentally throws him an elbow.  We don’t care that he’s handsome, fluent in several languages, the all-time highest scoring Laker of all time, and once made a cameo in a Destiny’s Child video.  Despite the criminal case being dropped, we will always think of him as a rapist.  And a bit of a D-Bag.  So on June 17, 2010, we agreed to meet to meet our green-shirted friends out at Cambridge Common in the hopes of seeing Kobe crushed by defeat.  Barring that, we at least wanted some decent nachos.  Sadly, we got neither.  We enjoyed the nachos when we were here over a year ago, but found them to be much downgraded.

  • Appearance: (7) Nothing here has changed…unfortunately.  We gave these an 8 last time but have since learned to expect better.
  • Quality of Ingredients: (6)  Gone were all the distinctive, homemade ingredients that made these nachos memorable.  The chips, far from the substantial ones of yore, were clearly of the store bought white corn variety.  The salsa tasted nothing of cilantro and everything of jar. No guacamole or sour cream were offered.  The chicken was decent but nowhere near zesty.  The jalapenos nearly burned our tongues off, which wasn’t so bad, as it distracted us from the pain of watching Kobe Bryant celebrate another NBA title.
  • Distribution of Toppings: (5) These nachos ran into the same problems of their predecessor– dryness from the lack of chili, uneven cheese coating, and naked chips.  However, without the extra toppings to help, the score is going down.
  • Price: (7) Price stays the same, size and quality do not.
  • Overall: 25/40.  We were much disappointed with the caliber of these nachos. ‘Till the next NBA final, we don’t anticipate ordering them again.
← Older Entries
Newer Entries →

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.