Tag Archives: Queso

White Trash-os: A Nachopatrol Original

5 Sep

How low can Nacho Patrol go? If we’re talking limbo, then not all that low (unless we’ve stretched beforehand).  But when it comes to nachos, there are no depths we would not plumb.  Freshness be damned– today, we’re aiming for nachos laden with enough preservatives to let them outlast next millennium. Hence, our trashiest NP Original to date.

Ingredients: One bag of Fritos (large scoops make for the best nacho experience), a pack of hotdogs, a can of pork and beans, and queso cheese sauce.  We had originally planned on using pork rinds as chips to up the pork percentage but found them woefully unavailable in area grocery stores.  Maybe next time, if there is a next time….

Heating makes up the majority of the prep work– if necessary, you might be able to cram everything in the microwave at once.  We grilled and sliced the dogs, nuked the cheese sauce, and heated the beans on the stove, and combined them into two layers on top of the chips, producing this warm-toned beauty:

While eating these we pondered, “Is there anything a Frito cannot scoop?” Indeed, the dense, crunchy chips held up famously to ingredients that would have left sodden any other delivery vehicle.  The texture of the topping was a little too uniform– slicing the hot dogs and then toasting them would have added some welcome crunch. Overall, the flavors mixed well but the cheese sauce…well, we just don’t really like cheese sauce, and the Taco Bell brand that we picked up left much to be desired.  We wanted to keep eating these but our right brains stopped us before we started to consider picking up a rack of Budweiser and heading out to the monster truck rally.  White Trashos: a success, but not likely to be repeated….unless we track down some pork rinds.

Nachos To-Go: Mystery Solved!

15 Apr

Ah, the age-old problem. It’s Thursday night, 9pm. You’re wandering alone in Kenmore Square, dodging cars on one side and panhandlers on the other. You’re hungry, but not for any old snack. You want something crispy and spicy, drenched in cheese and oozing with pinto beans. A quiet Qdoba stands to your right. The chicken nachos call out to you, their sweet embrace dancing in a whisper on the wind. You have your hand on the door, but wait! A problem! You don’t want to dine in the restaurant–you didn’t bring a book and you don’t want to seem so lonesome. But your home, your own Nacho Patrol World Headquarters, is some twenty minutes away. By the time you get your nachos home, the chips will be soggy, the queso cold, the shredded cheese oily and congealed.

Qdoba, however, understands your pain. Which is why they now separate the chips from the toppings when you choose to take away. Here’s what Nacho Patrol found in the bag once they made it home:

A bag of chips

A bag of chips

Plus….

A bowl of goopy toppings

Equals….

Innovation

We’re pretty sure this is going to revolutionize not only the way that we eat food at home, but more centrally, how our generation, and countless generations to come, will be able to get out of bed in the morning and face the day. The time for suffering has ended, my friends, the coffin to the soggy chip closed and nailed shut. Grab a Corona and a bottle of Tums–it’s time to Rejoice!

Applebee’s: Chain, Chain, Chaaaaaiiiiiin……Chain of Foooooools……

11 Apr

Recent heavy rains and flooding in New England have wrecked havoc on the area and frankly, made us a little crazy. On the umpteenth evening of deluge, our primitive survival instincts took over and drove us to the nearest high ground, which happened to be the end of the C line.  There, remembering the good times we one had eating chain restaurant nachos, we holed up in Applebee’s and awaited the rainpocalypse with their Chili Cheese Nachos. This proved to be fateful error.  Were this a zombie movie, we would have died in the 35 minutes, crouched, trembling in a corner of the kitchen clutching a meat cleaver, only to be mauled from behind by the chef, now undead, exiting the walk-in freezer.  Fortunately for us, life does not imitate George Romero, and while we left poorer, fatter and grumpier, we made it out alive.

Hope is the thing with cheese sauce...

...That gets dashed upon the first bite.

  • Appearance: (5) Salad gone wrong.
  • Quality of Ingredients: (3) The chips were horribly stale, which ruined the whole nacho experience.  It doesn’t matter how good the toppings are, bad chips sink the ship, and these nachos had nothing helping to keep them afloat.  We didn’t realize that the term “chili cheese” was literal– the two ingredients were mixed into a wan, watery concoction that was much less than the sum of its parts. We almost appreciated the sour cream on top, so you KNOW it was bad.  Sad lettuce on top just added to the misery.
  • Distribution of Toppings: (6) Cheese sauce adds viscosity, but there were still naked chips.  We could have really used some guacamole or some heartier chili, or delivery from Roggies.
  • Price: (6) Sizeable, but regrettable for $8.69.
  • Overall: 20/40. No.  Just no.

If you needed any more reasons to avoid Applebee’s, they somehow felt that a green olive is the appropriate garnish for their “Perfect Margarita”.

Fish out of tequila

Applebee’s, we’re kicking you off the ark.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.