El Tour Del Nacho » hipsters

Lone Star Taco Bar: When You Wish Upon A Nacho, pt. II: Dreams Really Do Come True Edition

Nachopatrol — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 01:06:31 +0000

Once upon a time, in a haze of beer and a few too many truffled gorgonzola fries, we waxed slightly poetic about our love for Deep Ellum, and our torrid fantasies about just how good their nachos might be. And now, it seems our dreams have (somewhat) come true, as Deep Ellum has recently expanded and opened up the Lone Star Taco Barright next door, complete with nachos on the menu. Have our dreams come true??
Lone Star is indeed the South-of-the-Border sister of Deep Ellum, complete with the exceedingly dim lighting, delicious cocktails, and a bovine head on the wall (though stuffed, not skeletal). The “Victory Club Nachos” came with little descriptive text, but considering that they were $5, we waited in nervous anticipation for them to arrive. Would they live up to our fantasies, or would they be little more than cheese over chips? And then, at long last, they arrived:

Appearance: (4) Excuse me, waiter? There must be some mistake, you’ve brought me a salad!
Quality of Ingredients: (9) Upon closer investigation, the vegetable on top was not lettuce but sliced Napa cabbage, which was…better than expected. With the Cotija cheese on top and some crema sauce underneath, it was almost edible on its own as a salad. Underneath, we appreciated the thick housemade chips and pickled jalapenos. There were a few small dabs of guacamole, but we found them to be slightly funky and overripe tasting.
Distribution of Toppings: (7.5) There was a fair amount of cheese and the sour cream sauce added to the distribution, but the lid of cabbage cooled the cheese unusually fast, leaving it in thick slabs. Still, just about every chip has something tasty on it.
Price: (10) For $5 these were an exceptionally filling snack for two.
Overall: 30.5/40. If you make a trip to Lone Star, these nachos are definitely worth your time, cash, and stomach space. Sometimes dreams really do come true…

Bukowski’s: Nachtotum

Nachopatrol — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 03:55:15 +0000

If Charles Bukowski was “the laureate of the American lowlife,” then his eponymous bar in Iman Square could be described as “the drinking establishment of the Bostonian fauxlife.” Lack of a website, a menu full of obscure beers, a beer club that culminates in a mug etched with the name of your favorite dead author, and tight pants, tattoos and flannel as far as the eye can see all contribute to a certain unmistakable hipster aesthetic. Were the nachos also too cool for school?

Appearance: (8) How colorful! The artfully drizzled sour cream was also lovely. Still, naked chips loomed underneath…
Quality of Ingredients: (8) The pulled pork was delicious and sauce-heavy, but it clashed somewhat with the salsa and other ingredients (we’ve had this problem before with BBQ on nachos). Black beans were a nice addition, and we remain undecided as to whether the chips were homemade. We did appreciate the lime-tinged sour cream, a step up from the usual.
Distribution of Toppings: (6) These were top-heavy with a lot going on, but an exploratory examination showed profound naked chips under the initial layer of toppings. We did find an unexpected second layer of cheese in the middle, but by the time we reached it it had already congealed. These nachos ascribed to the “trickle-down” theory of distribution, and in the end the naked chips weren’t so naked as the top ingredients eventually made it down to the lower chips as we ate.
Price: (3) $12 for basic nachos, $14 if you want pulled pork, chicken or vegan chili, and a whopping $3 if you want to add guacamole adds up to…a $17 nacho? Egads! For that price, we’re expecting a behemoth that would put Sunset and Game On to shame, or at least some fancy ingredients
Overall: 25/40. A good effort, but not up there with the big guns. However, we highly recommend the $7.50 hotdog and PBR combo…

Charlie’s Beer Garden: When it Rains Bad Nachos, it Pours

Nachopatrol — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 22:18:43 +0000

Final Jeopardy: Where in Boston can you both drink Harpoon Rasberry UFO on tap in the outdoors AND wait in the world’s longest line for the world’s dirtiest bathroom? Why, at Charlie’s Beer Garden in Harvard Square, of course! Run by the fine folks behind Charlie’s Kitchen right next door, the beer garden is a godsend during the summer, when alfresco drinking opportunities are few and far between. We love the burgers here, and were very excited when nachos made a debut on their summer menu. Do they earn their place in the permanent rotation? Let’s find out!

Appearance: (6) Flat, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Decidedly cheesy to the naked eye, which is decidedly a good thing.
Quality of Ingredients: (5) Decent chips, though definitely not homemade. The guacamole was gluey enough to be decidedly from a bag, but still appreciated. The cheese was quite melty and delicious. And then….we come to the chili. At first bite it seemed innocently tasty. Kidney beans and meatball-sized chunks of ground beef were pleasant surprised. But then, we realized that something with the chili was terribly, terribly wrong. It didn’t seem at all more watery than usual, but for some bizarre reason any chip that touched it became immediately soaked. And not soaked in a good way, with a thick, flavorful gravy– more like sodden.
Distribution of Toppings: (4) While there were significant amounts of cheese and chili, because of the aforementioned chili situation, this in the end rendered the topping-covered chips nearly inedible. We picked at the edge and used forks to whittle away at the toppings, but in the end, we were left with this sizeable inedible remainder:

Now that’s just depressing.

Price: (2) We can’t remember how much they cost and they aren’t listed on the online menu. Whatever it was, they weren’t worth it.
Overall:17/40. Looks like the Otherside Cafe has some competition for the worst nachos served to you in the company of fixed-gear bike riding hipsters.

It was fitting, nay, even poetic that after these soggy nachos, God saw fit to open up the skies for a surprise downpour and soak them even more.

Trident Booksellers & Cafe: Shallow End of the Pool

Nachopatrol — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:44:31 +0000

Newbury Street often reminds us of a high school cafeteria: while inhabited by a number of widely disparate groups, they stick to their own clearly defined turf. Hipsters rule the west end, starting at the Otherside, mingling with the tourists at Urban Outfitters and extending up to around the area of Espresso Royale. The opposite end belongs to the rich– they shop at Chanel, Burberry and Louis Boston, brunch at Stephanie’s, then get a $75 blowout at Enzo’s. Somewhere in the middle of all this, Trident Booksellers & Cafe stands as a just-hip-enough neutral zone, where these two groups (and everyone else in between) can mix and mingle over breakfast, beers, and hard-to-find ‘zines. On a recent weekday afternoon, we enjoyed the late summer sun on the patio and played a round of our favorite Newbury Street people-watching game, “Gay or European?” while noshing on the Trident fries and a plate of nachos:

Appearance: ( 8 )Deliciously melty, mottled cheese with a sprinkling of spicy chopped green…something. A few tomatoes peek through. Salsa and sour cream (not pictured) arrived on the side. Sadly, a bit of char brought them down a few points.
Quality of Ingredients: (5) Good cheese, decent chips, but not much else stood out. There were some very spicy peppers hidden in the midst which caused a minor crisis, as the waiter had neglected to bring our beverages. Overall, these just weren’t that good or memorable.
Distribution of Toppings: (5) The idea of layering clearly never crossed the chef’s mind. One solid layer of cheese on top of several layers of chips does not a good nacho make. Adding insult to injury, most of the chips on the bottom were broken into pieces too tiny to be at all helpful in scooping up stray toppings. After exhausting all of the tasty bits, we were left with a depressingly full, boring plate.

Price:(7) $7, which wasn’t too bad. We didn’t finish them, only because we really didn’t want to. We don’t, however, appreciate that adding chicken would have brought them up to $12. That had better be some damn fine chicken….
Overall: 25. The Trident is a great indie treasure on Newbury Street, and much of their menu looks delicious and inventive. It’s a shame that they went the boring, generic route with these nachos. They should do everyone a favor (and heed the Border Cafe, for once) and just take them off the menu.

Finally seeing the Light (Bar)

Nachopatrol — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:35:44 +0000

In London, the district of Shoreditch belongs to the hipsters. Jeans can never be too tight. Hair should never be brushed. Coffee is black. Bagel is spelled “beigel.” The Light Bar straddles the border between Shoreditch and London’s Financial District, resulting in a pleasant mix. Think “suits and sweater-vests” meets “fun and funky.” Light Bar has a patio and a roof deck, too, which are a must for warm summer nights in London.

On one such summer night, a Dutchman, Canadian and American set out to test the nacho-mettle of the Light Bar. The nachos arrived fresh from the kitchen. Our Canadian critic promptly burned herself on the plate. We were initially skeptical due to the lack of meat or beans, but ample cheese, salsa, sour cream, jalapenos and guacamole made up for it.

going heavy on the nachos

Appearance: (7) The sour cream, salsa, and guacamole were poured over the top, with cheese all around. This was no Rembrandt—a nacho plate more aimed at ease of construction and consumption that aesthetics. That’s a good sign in the world of nachos. Plus, hipsters know it’s not cool to try to hard…
Distribution of toppings: (8) The cheese distribution was, like, totally, awesome! It was layered perfectly, and baked in with the chips! (Oops, displayed emotion and enthusiasm.) Uh, I mean… the cheese was pretty decent. We worked our way in from the outside to take advantage of guacamole, salsa and sour cream heaped on top. If the Light Bar had a nacho mantra, it would be “no chip left uncovered.”
Quality of toppings: (7) The guacamole was one of the best we’ve tasted anywhere in London. The cheese had a nice kick—probably some sort of “mature aged” British variety. The American felt the chips were slightly overcooked, but the Dutchman and Canadian liked the crunchiness. The sour cream and salsa were nothing to blog about.
Price: (7) 6.50 GBP / $10.55 USD. Not great, but for London this was good deal. The plate easily fed all three of us.
Overall: 29/40

So, we’ve got an new #1 nacho destination in London. (Or, it might be more accurate to say that we finally have a nacho destination in London.) Cheerio. And nacho.

Bryant Lake Bowl: Bowling for Nachos

Nachopatrol — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:46:01 +0000

A-Trixx, Nacho Patrol’s most recent displaced person, has long wondered about the nachos at a certain drinking, dining, and bowling institution in the Uptown region of Minneapolis. Back in the day, they had something called Sleeper Nachos, a perfect bowling compliment for the young adolescent looking to kick it with her homies. Now, some five years later, they’ve moved up a weight (and classiness) grade to the Big Four Nachos. Recruiting the help of her lifelong Mini-Apple amiga, G-Money, A-Trixx holla’d at some nachos, with unexpected results:

Appearance: (9) Though she can’t speak for the rest of Nacho Patrol, A-Trixx hasn’t seen nachos these beautiful since Pour House. G-Money called them “fascinating” and “delightful,” and for obvious reasons! Decked out with peppers in all the colors of the Christmas rainbow, bright cheddar, and medley of beans, the mere sight of these nachos will dampen your mouth and, if you’re like the people that find our blog by googling porno, your loins.
Distribution of toppings: (8) Even the most beautiful nacho will have some problems with distribution. As G-Money pointed out, “it’s all about layering,” and she just eats nachos casually! We had some naked chips, and with a naturally dry selection of toppings, little with which to cover them. Overall, there was enough cheese, bean, and pepper to give us much happy, though we would have liked a little more chicken.
Quality of toppings: (9) Delicious on the whole, and probably about as close to specialty nachos as you can get while still being “bar nachos.” We loved the pepper and bean medleys, though the chicken was a little over-seasoned.
Price: (4) Nacho Patrol takes personal offense when a not-so-big plate of nachos costs $13 without tip. Sure, they were delicious, but the size doesn’t quite stack up to the outrageous price tag. Surprisingly it pays to be a vegetarian–for $9 you can get your plate sans carne.
Overall: 30/40 nom nom nom! Bryant Lake Bowl, you did us proud–just try lowering the price a little so us hipsters can afford the food!

The Otherside Cafe: Double hipster, hold the cheese

Nachopatrol — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 02:23:19 +0000

Let’s start by saying we have a love/hate relationship with the Other Side Cafe. Some of us hate it, some of us love it. They’ve got some good breakfast and if you’re one of those vegan hipster types who listens to awesome music that doesn’t even exist yet, you’ll be right at home. Every now and then they even have a good draft list. We (okay, one of us) had high hopes for their nachos. Not often do we get all P.E.T.A and eat veggie/vegan nachos (we went home and ate Shaws value-pack steak afterward to compensate), so we were excited to bring a little herbivorian diversity to our master list. But then we got the nachos…Other Side, unfortunately you’re not hip enough to get away with having such atrocious food (oh wait, as long as hipster pants keep cutting off the circulation to the communal, supercool, gearless-bike, hipster brain people will still flock to this dark, crowded, poorly serviced hellhole like it’s mecca).

Appearance: (4) A barren, bleak desert of wan chips, with a barely discernible sprinkling of dull-colored cheese. The twin oases of chili and guacamole were not nearly enough to make it hospitable.
Quality of Ingredients: (6) Guacamole was pretty good. There was so much of it we couldn’t finish it. Chili was…vegan. Depending on where you stand, that can be a good thing. However, we at Nacho Patrol like our protein less of the Textured Vegetable side and more on the slaughtered, ground and stewed side. Chips were standard, a bit oversalty. We honestly can’t comment on the cheese because there was so little of it.
Distribution of Toppings: (2) Uh, what distribution? Chili on the left, guacamole on the right (+2 for those of you who get the R. Kelley reference), suckiness all around. The cheese was practically nonexistent and what was there wasn’t even melted.
Price: (5) $8 for the basic, an extra $2 for guacamole. While we appreciate the ample serving of guac, we felt that these were overpriced on the whole. They even had the gall to charge $1 for sour cream! Egads!
Overall: 17. Otherside, step in to our office. We need to have a little chat. I know you think that you are too cool for school and all, but we need to drop some knowledge. You’ve heard of nachos, right? You know those things with layers of toppings spread over tortilla chips? Yeah, the key word there is LAYERS. Not piles. And cheese? Well, it’s sort of the foundation of nachos. MELTED CHEESE. You can’t just toss half a handful of unmelted cheddar on there and call it a day. I know you’re all about scoring brownie points with the dirty, sleeved, no-assed vegan fixie hipster crowd, but sometimes you need to pay respect to the canon and GIVE US SOME DECENT FUCKING NACHOS.

Much love,

Nachopatrol

PS. try again, bitch.