We’ve unofficially reviewed the nachos at Cornwall’s before and found them….less than satisfactory.  But if so, then time to put it on the books!  Without consulting their menu, we alerted our waitress to our desperate need for the house nachos (they don’t normally come with chili so we went without).

• Appearance: (6) Certainly cheesy, with oozing white cheddar barely masking some tomatoes and serious jalapenos.  On the side in plastic cups, the holy trinity of nacho condiments: salsa, sour cream, and…..queso dip? Huh??
• Quality of Ingredients: (5) The melted white cheddar was delicious on top.  The salsa and queso….not so much.  The cheese sauce was barely even warmed!  Had we wanted to pour it over it would have been nothing but a big glob.  Salsa was nothing distinctive, chips likewise.  The black pepper on top was inspired.  So simple, yet so delicious!
• Distribution of Toppings: (5) There was a ton of cheese on top but nothing on the lower layers.  It suddenly becomes clear: the double-cheese is deliberate, knowing that we’ll get bored with the naked chips underneath and need something to dip them in.  Why not just skip the queso altogether and just divide the cheese into two layers? Efficiency, people!
• Price: (4) Since we flagged down a waitress and hollered for nachos rather than seeing the menu first, we knew that a lot would depend on the price.  And…$9? Without chili or chicken or anything?  Talk about a shock!
• Overall: 20/40.  We always forget that this place has food…and for good reason.  A great place to get your drink on but the nachos are a total waste of money.

• Appearance: (6.5) Me oh my! Not the traditional color palette and the pitas look a little burnt around the edges, but did you see that avalanche of melted cheese nearly spilling off the plate? Days later, we’re still drooling.
• Quality of Ingredients: (9) Even when overdone, the pita chips are still delicious, thick and hearty enough to really handle the spinach artichoke dip on top.  The cheese was excellently melted, and the tomatoes and olives did a nice job adding some variety in texture and flavor.  The spin dip was delicious but we were a little weirded out that it was cold, not warm.
• Distribution of Toppings: (7) Last time we ate these, we had to ask for some extra spin dip on the side because there was simply not enough to go around.  We should have remembered that this time because once the glop on dip on top was taken care of, we were left with scores of blank pitas. Had the dip been warm, it might have spread out a bit more and been slightly more accessible, but as it was, there simply wasn’t enough to go around.
• Price: ( 8 ) $8.89 is a steal when compared to the $12-$13 nachos, and as an appetizer, there was certainly enough to go around.
• Overall: 30.5/40 Once again, a specialty “nacho” makes a serious mark on our official nacho tally. Maybe they’re not as good as Sunset’s nachos, but if you’re in the mood for something a little more creamy, the spin dip might just be the the appetizer for you.

• Appearance: (8) Patriotic and gooey, though lacking in green.  This was our own fault, we forgot to order guacamole.
• Quality of Ingredients: (6) Two kinds of cheese, excellently melted.  The chili was oddly sweet, something we haven’t encountered since the Beantown Pub.  Still, it was tasty enough.  The chips were stale; stale enough to put a damper on the nacho experience as a whole. The salsa tasted exactly like that found in the BU dining hall; fine cuisine, no, but welcome nostalgia.  No black olives (sad face), but no jalapeños either; we call this a draw.
• Distribution of toppings: (7) As soon as these showed up at the table we knew there would be a problem– the naked chips were out, and they were proud (not something you can say about many BC students). The salsa and sour cream on top, per usual, created a bit of a distribution nightmare, even when we resorted to forks.
• Price: (5) $12, easily demolished by two.  Maybe that’s the norm for this part of town, but our trust funds consist of $200 in birthday money collected from Grandma over the years.  Next time we are in the mood for $12 nachos, you can catch us at Sunset with five of our closest friends.
• Overall: (26)  Been there, done that.  BC sucks, especially at nachos.

• Appearance: (7) It’s hard to judge these nachos by the traditional standards. Color and gooeyness are two of our most promising markers, and these nachos were lacking both of these by design. Still, they looked pretty tasty, albeit slightly structurally unstable.
• Quality of Ingredients: (7) The “tortilla chips”, in this case, were crispy deep-fried flour tortillas, coated in cinnamon sugar. The were easily the best part of these nachos, reminiscent of the elephant ears of our childhood. The malted vanilla ice cream was delicious, both by itself and when supplementing the chips. The caramelized fruit was alright, but the flavor of the bananas overwhelmed the whole mixture.
• Distribution of Toppings: (6) There was a lot going on here. Normally, the more the better, but in this case it was quickly overwhelming. We found ourselves seeking out the naked chips, for once, as the banana-tinged fruit mixture put us into sugar overload. There wasn’t a ton of sauce, but the whipped cream on top provided a welcome source of moistness.
• Price: (10) $7 put three of us in a diabetic coma, and we only ate half.
• Overall: (30) Dessert nachos are an interesting concept, and we feel that these were fairly well executed. There is, however, a very important concept to keep in mind when creating them: while savory flavors add, sweet flavors multiply. Sweet ingredients can quickly pile on top of each other and become overwhelming, as was the case with these nachos. These would have been much better with a little Tim Gunn-style editing– lose the fruit, present a simpler plate of chips, a little chocolate sauce, and the ice cream for dipping.

The Draft is not for the faint of heart. You need a healthy tolerance for bros and townies, strong quad muscles (for hovering over the questionable toilet seats, ladies!), and an affinity for beer, because even if you are sticking to hard liquor, the pervasive smell of stale brews is enough to give a slight buzz. We appreciated that The Draft takes the concept of “top shelf” literally; the Grey Goose and JW Black Label were perched on a dusty shelf near the rafters, as if to keep mischievous patrons from helping themselves. Yet, in a nod to Allston, they were flanked by Red Bull and PBR tallboys. Ah, classy…

At any rate, on to the nachos!

• Appearance: (7) A lot of brightly colored chips, with chili, cheese and jalapenos over the top. The peppers looked a little peaked, giving the whole plate a slightly sad appearance. We could see some clearly unmelted cheese, which was a bad omen.
• Quality of Ingredients: (6) Neither good or bad enough to be memorable. Decent chili.
• Distribution of Toppings: (5) The nachos were listed on the menu with no mention of chili (just chips, cheese, salsa, peppers, etc.) When we inquired about chili, our bartender seemed a little surprised, but said he could do it. We shudder to think of what these would have been like without, because even with the extra topping, there were a number of naked chips. Since all the chili was dumped on top, once we had taken off the top layer there was little topping to be had. We barely even remember seeing or tasting cheese, which was a disappointment. We also had to ask for sour cream, and guacamole was not available.
• Price: (7) We would have pitched a fit if they charged us extra for the chili, but they didn’t. For $8, they were pretty good
• Overall: 25. Really, don’t go here. Walk the extra block for some much better nachos at Sunset Cantina

The further north we venture, the bleaker the terrain. However, we shall continue on towards our manifest destiny, in hopes of a brighter future

On the Boston side of the Mass Ave bridge sits an innocuous bar that gets a little rowdy on the weekends. This crowd-o-phobic patroller ventured through it’s salon-style entrance one Monday night to sneak a peek at their nachos. And by “peek,” I mean inhalation. Of course, that magic phrase “buffalo chicken” tosses this patrol into the “Specialty” section, but it’s location and the delightful service earn it this call to my fellow patrollers (who are more self-controlled than I in the face of buffalo chicken) to give Roads’ regular nachos a full and fitting review.

Presentation: Square plates. Yes. Just yes. The condiments even had their own appointed mini-plates, making for a presentation akin to those weird geometric-focus abstract paintings you see for no apparent reason in New York City galleries. Here in Boston, squares are for nomming and canvases are for representing things so that they can be interpreted. (You’ll have to forgive me; baseball season is kicking up soon. Not that I loathe and despise the Yankees or anything.) (8)

Quality of Toppings: Symphonious! Perfect crunch to every chip, well-baked cheese, and fresh guac. The chicken is the only part that’s dinging the score–while it was fried and flavorful, it was a bit dry. (7)

Distribution of Toppings: Crossroads is not messing around with their ‘chos. The toppings were not only well distributed throughout the chips, but the dish even managed to avoid that dreaded over-topping-ing that leaves the chips soggy. Also, there was no skimping on the side-dips. We ran out of salsa, but had licked the plate clean before we came up for air long enough to ask for more. (9)

Price: $8, and only an extra $0.50 for the delicious guacamole. That’s definitely on the cheaper end of the Boston zip code. (7)

Overall: A very sturdy 31. And if I could give bonus points for great staff, friendly patrons, and bro-voking draft list, I certainly would. Thanks, ‘Roads!

Largely an experiment, and not necessarily a good one, by Skyler, the blue marg resembles something like a glass of Romulan Ale (which is actually just Stop and Shop brand Blue Drink, your favorite lemon/lime soda, and Plastic Bottle Brand vodka). Delightfully blue and indeterminately alcoholic, the Blue Margarita is an excellent choice if you are a wimpy girl, wish you were a wimpy girl, or just feel the need for more neon-colored beverages in your life. We tested it so you probably don’t have to; stick with the excellent sangria.

A tiny hole in the wall under a row of elegant brownstones a few blocks from Fenway in BU’s South campus, Cafe Sol Azteca might be easy to forget. Covered with colorful painted tiles, unique tables, and Hispanic artwork on the wall, this little restaurant transcends expectations to be a comfortable and cozy experience. We review mostly Americanized bar nachos, so it was nice to go somewhere a bit more authentic (although we do realize that nachos really aren’t authentic Mexican food; the nachos here are known as “Nachos Gringo”). Nacho Patrol was impressed, and though some of our dishes weren’t the best, excuse us a moment to gush about the nachos.

• Appearance: Not very colorful but very, very tempting. We were rushing to take a picture before digging in. Then, our waitress returned with an something even better– a cup of black beans in sauce to pour over the top! ( 9 )

• Quality of toppings: The chips were the same ones that came in our complimentary chip basket; fresh, homemade, and utterly delicious (although they could have used just a touch of extra salt). The cheese was delicious and very melted, and there was some sort of chili-esque sauce underneath that we couldn’t quite identify, but still very much enjoyed. The jalapeños were more pickled than spicy, meaning that we could actually eat and enjoy them. The black beans that we poured over the top were also delicious. On top of all this, one of the highlights was the sizable bowl of guacamole on the side– fresh, lemony, chunky, sublime. Once again, a pinch more salt would have made this perfect. (9 )
• Distribution: There was only one layer of cheese, but as these nachos were rather flat that still left a minority of naked chips. Having guacamole and fresh salsa (along with some of Andi’s black bean soup) on the side really gave us options for the naked chips, which greatly aided our enjoyment. (7 )
• Price: The nachos themselves were $8.50; guacamole was an extra $2.
  Throughout our nacho adventures, we have come across some shocking variation in the price of guacamole, ranging from free to 50 cents to $2.50. Often, especially at the higher end of the scale, these costs seem unwarranted. But this guacamole was definitely worth the price. In addition, although these nachos were not huge, it was very clear that they were made of high quality ingredients; Nacho Patrol does, occasionally, appreciate quality over quantity. (7)
• Overall: 32/40. An excellent, high-quality nacho with definite Mexican roots.

Fully sated, we donned our ponchos and sombreros, boarded our burros, and danced the cucaracha on down to our respective casas. Ole!

• Appearance: Yeah. There’s nothing hiding here but the salsa. Refer to picture. But keep reading! (1)
• Quality of ingredients: The cheese was generic canned plastic, BUT the salsa and chips were alarmingly good! The chips were thin and super salty, as all tortillas in any form should be. The salsa was from a jar, rather than a can, and not too watery. That’s 2 out of 3! Rounding up out of ten, quality is getting a pretty solid score. (7)
• Distribution: I would have liked a little more salsa, but there was delightfully enough topping to dip each individual chip! However, they lose points on the technicality that the ingredients weren’t actually distributed over the chips. (7)
• Price: $4.50, for a sports arena, is not atrocious. For the quality of the ingredients, it was on-par. (5)
• Overall: (20/40)

Not bad for concession ‘chos! If only we could give the Terriers the same score. Also, Nacho Patrol acknowledges that the last 3 out of 4 reviews have been non-restauranty. In the interest of our heath and sanity, our readers can expect this to change. Promptly. Next stop: Cambridge!

Edit: Fellow patroller, Andi, takes issue with a 20/40 review for concession stand nachos. They are not nachos–they are chips and fake cheese. Furthermore, ew. Also, no. The end.

• Presentation: Moderately attractive (which is more than you can say about most BU men).  Salsa and sour cream on the side in ramekins (7).
• Quality of Toppings: Standard tortilla chips, and decent cheddar cheese.  The black olives, which aroused much excitement, were oddly tasteless.  Pico de gallo came straight from the BU dining hall (not that there is anything wrong with that; we love Towers burritos as much as anyone).  Salsa and refried beans were straight from a can, nothing to write home about.  It was difficult to tell the chicken from the tomatoes, as they were the same color.  The BBQ chicken was not the best choice as it did not coalesce pleasantly with the rest of the dish; and yes, while it was our fault that we ordered them this way, we don’t think that anyone would find this delicious, and question the judgement of the BU Pub keeping this option on the menu. (In addition, Andi wishes to mention that she has eaten the nachos here with chili and they were not tasty at all). (4).
• Distribution of Toppings: There weren’t enough chips to properly judge distribution. Based on plate size, everything worked out well. That said, it took Andi the better part of five minutes to find a piece of chicken (perhaps that’s why the tomatoes tasted so strange, though???). The cheese seemed to have entirely missed the memo about sticking to the chips, instead congealing on the plate. For the most part, everything was just piled on the top. While this was aesthetically pleasing, a more thoughtful distribution would have been much tastier (5).
• Price: $7.61 altogether? Not too bad.  (In addition, they are only $5 on Friday nights during Red Sox games) (7).
• Overall: 23/40.  Not very good at all.  We’ll be back, but we won’t be ordering any more nachos here.

Once again, BU proves to be mediocre.  But at least this didn’t cost us $160,000.