El Tour Del Nacho » Brookline

Longwood Grille + Bar: Food Courtin’

Nachopatrol — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 21:17:11 +0000

Lunchtime nachos are a tricky business. Can you get in, get great nachos and get out in under an hour? And really, are nachos as good when you can’t get a frosty beer alongside? Investigating the situation, one Nacho Patroller met up with the whizzes behind Boston Food Bloggers, Cheap Beets and Justin Can Cook, fellow Longwood denizens, at the Longwood Grille + Bar. If you’ve ever wondered what your college dining hall would have been like with waiters, then this is the place for you. If you haven’t, or if you have any objections to food courts or the spelling of “grille”, then maybe you should stay away.

Appearance: (6) Colorfully composed, though startling number of naked chips were apparent right from the get-go.
Quality of Ingredients: (4) Just about everything here was a little…off. The chili was oddly sweet, something was amiss with the salsa, and the guacamole had been made with avocados that were clearly past their prime. The homemade chips, however, were delicious.
Distribution of Toppings: (4) First impressions don’t lie: there were a lot of naked chips and unfortunately, none of the toppings were all that worth scooping up. The chili, where it rested, also tended to soggify the chips below.
Price: (4.5) Overpriced for what they were at $9.
Overall: 18.5/40. When four people don’t finish a small-to-medium sized plate of nachos, that’s an indication that they aren’t all that good. If you want nachos in Longwood, skip the food court and head to Brigham Circle; that’s where we’re headed next.

The Corrib Pub in Brookline: Patrollin’ Oldies

Nachopatrol — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 21:20:50 +0000

Now that we’ve safely surpassed our 100th review, we feel we’re finally fit to tackle Corrib Pub. Located just down the street from us, we had long written the Corrib off as the type of place our grandpas would frequent. Indeed, the beer and food were cheap, the taps shiny and copper, and the average clientele far past retirement age. Needless to say, we love us some old-school dives and were excited to learn first that they a) had nachos and b) that they’re $7. As a side note, they also have our favorite motto of any restaurant we’ve visited (“It’s like home, but with more taps”).

Appearance: (7.5) Colorful, but lacking the depth provided by yellow saturated chips and cheese. Something about it reminded us of a child’s crayon drawing: there’s a lot going on, but it seems unfinished and sophomoric (okay, a sophomore with a solid 3.8 GPA).
Quality of the toppings: (6) While we were impressed with the fresh ingredients (the tomatoes and onions in particular), the rest of the toppings left something to be desired. The overabundance of jarred salsa made it difficult to pick out other flavors, while the cheese was sticky and flavorless and the chips were a tad too salty. The chili tasted distinctly like taco seasoning (some of us liked it) and there was lettuce. To discuss our dislike of lettuce on nachos seems like beating a dead horse and we will instead refer to our friends at NachosNY for a full diatribe.
Distribution of the toppings: (6.5) Something is seriously wrong with the Corrib’s cheese. Melting into a near solid on the peripheral chips, the innards of these nachos were sadly naked. There wasn’t enough of either the chili or the cheese, and the seas of salsa drown out the remaining ingredients. Sour cream was on the side, which was just fine with us.
Price: (8.5) If the quality and distribution of the toppings brought the overall score down down, the price has to pull the whole plate back into the competition. $6.75 for a plate of nachos? Who cares how good they are–cheap prevails any day of the week.
Overall: 28.5/40. Kinda of like the Narragansett of Boston nachos: cheap, local, old school, not that great, but will suffice in a pinch.

Moving Day

Nachopatrol — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 15:30:13 +0000

As our loyal fans know, Nacho Patrol World Headquarters is on the move. After two years slumming it in Brookline, we’re packing up the corn chips, sweeping away the old cheese, cleaning out the chili crock pot, and making our way across the river to the scenic Somerville/Cambridge border. What our new home lacks in yard space, it makes up for in pure colonial charm, and we cannot wait to see how it fairs during the first of many Nachopalooza events (block party?), tentatively planned for September 2010.

Though we are in no way shutting the door on our current neighborhood, we’re hoping over the next few weeks to visit a few of those restaurants we’ve unforgivably neglected, and we need your help to make sure we’re not missing anyone. As mentioned on our Master Nacho List, here are the places we’re already planning to hit up:

Game On! (Fenway) – coming very soon
Harry’s Bar and Grill (Allston/Brighton) – Re-Review
Porter Belly’s (Brighton)
Corrib Pub (Brighton) – coming very very soon
973 Commonwealth (BU)
Center St. Cafe (JP)

And that’s where you come in…While we may consider ourselves experts of Boston geography, we have a few blind spots when it comes to the southern neighborhoods. If you’ve got any noteworthy nacho noshing spots you want us to review before we make our way north, please get in touch with us via Twitter, Facebook, a comment below, or at our email (nachopatrol@gmail.com).

We welcome all suggestions, especially outlandish ones.

CitySide’s Buffalo Chicken Nachos: The Horror, The Horror!

Nachopatrol — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:26:34 +0000

We really should have known better. We’d had mediocre-to-terrible experiences with both CitySide and buffalo chicken nachos in the past– why tempt fate and try the combination of both? Perhaps it was hopefulness, perhaps naivete, perhaps it was even the dreamy beefcake aura of American Leauge All-star starting catcher Joe Mauer emanating from the TVs above, but something drove us to think that ordering these nachos was a good idea. Featuring cheddar and blue cheese, shredded buffalo chicken, shredded carrots, sweet corn and sour cream, they had to at least be interesting, right? RIGHT? Wrong. We were quickly plunged headfirst into a terrifying nacho nightmare.

Appearance: (3) Reminiscent of the Coolidge Corner Clubhouse in their lack of structural integrity, we knew from a distance that this plate was going to be, in one way or another, a beast. Upon closer examination the first thing we noticed was the sour cream, which appeared to be curdling and separating, and we knew we were in for a struggle.
Quality: (1) We debated whether or not we should award these nachos a zero for quality. We’ve never doled such a woeful score, but then again, we’ve never had nachos this bad. There was absolutely nothing right about this plate. The chips were stale and occasionally burnt, the corn and carrot strips were superfluous, and the salsa was from a jar. The “buffalo chicken” listed in the description was such in name only, as it actually consisted of plain, unseasoned shredded chicken and a completely separate splash of buffalo sauce, which tasted like straight vinegar and black pepper and was entirely off-putting. The blue cheese, which we were excited about, had decidedly past it’s expiration date and tasted strongly of mold (and not the right kind). We can only hope that this means these nachos are rarely ordered, and thus that not too many innocents have met this dire fate…
Distribution: (2) Everything was haphazard and uneven. Because of the way the “buffalo chicken” was arranged, these nachos were half chicken desert and half buffalo swamp. When we flipped off the top few chips to rid ourselves of the sour cream, this is the horror that presented itself:

We found it akin to what the medical examiner would find in your stomach after you ate these nachos, suffered massive internal organ damage, and died. It says a lot about these nachos that we were thankful the poor distribution, because the naked chips and bottled salsa were the only things worth eating.

Price: (1) Instead of $12, these could have cost 12 cents and they would still have earned a 1. Such a total waste.
Overall: 7/40. CitySide, you have hit a new low we never even thought possible. Please, for the love of God, take this monstrosity off the menu. These nachos were so bad, they have nearly turned us off food entirely.

Applebee’s: Chain, Chain, Chaaaaaiiiiiin……Chain of Foooooools……

Nachopatrol — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 00:01:25 +0000

Recent heavy rains and flooding in New England have wrecked havoc on the area and frankly, made us a little crazy. On the umpteenth evening of deluge, our primitive survival instincts took over and drove us to the nearest high ground, which happened to be the end of the C line. There, remembering the good times we one had eating chain restaurant nachos, we holed up in Applebee’s and awaited the rainpocalypse with their Chili Cheese Nachos. This proved to be fateful error. Were this a zombie movie, we would have died in the 35 minutes, crouched, trembling in a corner of the kitchen clutching a meat cleaver, only to be mauled from behind by the chef, now undead, exiting the walk-in freezer. Fortunately for us, life does not imitate George Romero, and while we left poorer, fatter and grumpier, we made it out alive.

Hope is the thing with cheese sauce...

...That gets dashed upon the first bite.

Appearance: (5) Salad gone wrong.
Quality of Ingredients: (3) The chips were horribly stale, which ruined the whole nacho experience. It doesn’t matter how good the toppings are, bad chips sink the ship, and these nachos had nothing helping to keep them afloat. We didn’t realize that the term “chili cheese” was literal– the two ingredients were mixed into a wan, watery concoction that was much less than the sum of its parts. We almost appreciated the sour cream on top, so you KNOW it was bad. Sad lettuce on top just added to the misery.
Distribution of Toppings: (6) Cheese sauce adds viscosity, but there were still naked chips. We could have really used some guacamole or some heartier chili, or delivery from Roggies.
Price: (6) Sizeable, but regrettable for $8.69.
Overall: 20/40. No. Just no.

If you needed any more reasons to avoid Applebee’s, they somehow felt that a green olive is the appropriate garnish for their “Perfect Margarita”.

Fish out of tequila

Applebee’s, we’re kicking you off the ark.

Roggies: Cleveland (Circle) Rocks!

Nachopatrol — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 01:49:20 +0000

The nachos of Cleveland Circle have so far not been kind to us. CitySide (hereby dubbed ShittySide by Nacho Guest Patroler and Cleveland Circle resident Rox Con) was a gross disappointment, and we have yet to muster the fortitude to venture into the soul-crushing corporate abyss of that is Applebee’s (although considering how surprisingly well our other chain restaurant review went, we may want to suck it up and go sometime soon). There was one last beacon of hope on the horizon, and that was Roggies; but from the get go, things seemed grim. Despite the bouncer outside, the average age inside appeared to be 19; and the brims of baseball caps veered off at all sorts of angles, each douchier than the last. Yes, our Douchebag-O-Meters were going off the charts as the BC bros caroused over scorpion bowls and beer towers, at their first stop in a long night likely leading to slipping that special someone a roofie at Mary Ann’s. Even the rest of the menu looked dubious–raw oysters? Rainbow trout*, meaning of asterisk undetermined? Somehow, Roggies managed to transcend all of these portends and produce (could it be??!) good nachos!

Appearance: (8.5) An array of colors and textures, that upon closer examination revealed far more toppings than originally expected. We’re taking off an extra half point for the plastic containers (not pictured) of salsa, sour cream and guacamole– how gauche!
Quality of Ingredients: (8) Let’s play a game called, “Rarely Seen Ingredients In The Boston Nacho Scene.” Black olives? Check. Kidney beans? You betcha. A fresh vegetable that is not part of the salsa? Say no more! While everything else (chips, cheese, chili, guac) was good, it was the little details that pushed these nachos over the top.
Distribution of Toppings: (9) Massive amounts of melted cheese can never hurt, and while there were some naked chips, there was plenty of use for them, scooping up extra toppings.
Price: (6) At $12, on par for the area but not particularly outstanding.
Overall: 31.5. We have it on good authority that this is one of the only things this place does right. Still, at least they are good at something! If you are in the area and need nachos, this is likely your best bet.

CitySide: Behind Enemy (Green) Lines

Nachopatrol — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 23:38:20 +0000

Crips and Bloods, 2ge+her and Whoah, BU and BC: they don’t mix well. (Although if you tossed all of them together, things could get interesting). Hockey rivalries aside, students from the two big B-Line colleges rarely interact outside of the neutral territory that is Allston. But nachos know no color, creed, or mascot, and in the search for the best nachos in Boston, we do not discriminate; so in the interest of intercollegiate goodwill and cooperation (and maybe a little espionage), two BU grads ventured where few had gone before: the end of the C line. The frat boys were out in full force, the girls were Catholic and under-dressed, and on this particular Saturday evening, all were preparing for a night of binge drinking and debauchery at CitySide. We, however, were there for the nachos:

Appearance: (8) Patriotic and gooey, though lacking in green. This was our own fault, we forgot to order guacamole.
Quality of Ingredients: (6) Two kinds of cheese, excellently melted. The chili was oddly sweet, something we haven’t encountered since the Beantown Pub. Still, it was tasty enough. The chips were stale; stale enough to put a damper on the nacho experience as a whole. The salsa tasted exactly like that found in the BU dining hall; fine cuisine, no, but welcome nostalgia. No black olives (sad face), but no jalapeños either; we call this a draw.
Distribution of toppings: (7) As soon as these showed up at the table we knew there would be a problem– the naked chips were out, and they were proud (not something you can say about many BC students). The salsa and sour cream on top, per usual, created a bit of a distribution nightmare, even when we resorted to forks.
Price: (5) $12, easily demolished by two. Maybe that’s the norm for this part of town, but our trust funds consist of $200 in birthday money collected from Grandma over the years. Next time we are in the mood for $12 nachos, you can catch us at Sunset with five of our closest friends.
Overall: (26) Been there, done that. BC sucks, especially at nachos.

A How To: Throwing the Banginest Nacho Party of All Time

Nachopatrol — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:27:51 +0000

When Nacho Patrol said that they would be live blogging the 1st Annual Spring Break themed Nachopalooza, we meant that we would write about it ten years later. Due to an unfortunate incident involving Comcast high speed internet, approximately 60 jello shots, and a newly-breasted Indiana Jones, we were unable to keep our loyal fans updated. Don’t worry though–here are the highlights, the lowlights, and a complete list of instructions for having your own nacho-worshiping event.

Ingredients:

A varied selection of cheeses: approximately 6 bags kept 12 people fully cheesy, with some to spare
3 lbs of tortilla chips, though this was barely enough
Crock-o-chili: ours served 8-10, but perhaps we overdid it a little (Nacho Patrol passed out before having the opportunity to put it in the fridge, and the licensed food handlers in the group deemed it unsafe in the morning)
A jar of jalapenos: for those with stronger palates than ours.
A jar of salsa: As much as we complain about store bought salsa at restaurants, we are too lazy to make our own.
A pint of sour cream
A can of refried beans for our vegetarian friends
Diced tomatoes
Diced green onion: unnecessary, you may say, but delightfully delicious
Black olives: obviously
Handmade guacamole in massive quantities.

Nacho Patrol had nacho production down to a science. The broiler was preheated, baking sheets were lined up, the aluminum foil was unfurled. The results…were varied.

Cherrie and Julia went the simple route, combining forces to make a large sheet of cheese-only nachos.

Rosannah made nachos that were probably pretty good, but she ate them before we were able to take a picture.

A’Nova was extremely coy, and refused to show us her creation, although in all likelihood it was the best of the night and she just didn’t want to show off.

: What you don’t know can’t embarass you

Laura’s nachos had all the makings of a classic…

…while Andi loaded hers up with color.

: Brighter than thou

Ann Marie was dressed for the occasion and made a seriously meat-laden plate of nachos.

: More ground beef than your body has room for

Skyler went heavy on the cheese and light on the salsa.

Angela came late to the party and was forced to scrounge amongst the leftovers.

: Please sir, I want some more!

A number of other guests/Nacho Patrollers created nachos of note, but we kinda forgot to keep taking pictures. The reason? This:

SPRING BREAK!

From left:

Tequila and lime jello
Malibu, Absolut New Orleans and white rum with Blackberry Fusion jello
Malibu and pineapple jello
White rum and coke with raspberry jello
White rum and cherry jello

In the end, we chalked up Nachopalooza 2009 as a success!

Nachopalooza ’09: AKA the greatest night of all time!

Nachopatrol — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 03:03:06 +0000

Stay tuned as Nacho Patrol embarks on its greatest adventure yet: Nachopalooza ’09, hosted by MTV Spring Break!!! Watch as we and our 15 closest friends create our own nacho masterworks with ingredients such as 10-hour crockpot chili, a variety of cheeses, and Skyler’s homemade, east-African conquering guacamole. Check back tomorrow as we live-blog the entire experience!!! As it is Spring Break, also expect at least six varieties of jello shots, flowin’ tequila, and appearences by Carson Daly!!!

The Patrollers! (Btw, they're not bibs, they're super sweet Spanish conquistador collars. And they say "Nacho Patrol" on them in Crayola puffy paint.)

The Coolidge Corner Clubhouse: The Thermonuclear Nacholocaust; or, Jenga!

Nachopatrol — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 04:48:40 +0000

Nacho Patrol believes in good service and moderately attentive bartenders. Nacho Patrol believes in cleanliness and general friendliness. Nacho Patrol believes in un-skunked beer and clean taps. In our previous experiences, we found that the Coolidge Corner Clubhouse had none of these things. After a few semi-to-seriously disastrous experiences here, we had vowed never to return. But we believe in one thing above all, and that is nachos. We felt that it was our duty to give the CCC a final chance at redemption, via their oft-mentioned nachos. Although we entered the CCC with trepidation, we were determined to keep an open mind. And while certain things did impress us (the draft list and Heather, our ever-patient waitress, who put up with us spilling drinks, breaking glasses, and generally making a huge mess like a bunch of drunk toddlers), the nachos proved to be a disaster.

Appearance: (6) As these nachos approached the table, we shrunk back in horror, fearing for their structural integrity. Never before have we encountered such a precarious stack of chips. The plate was far too small for the amount piled on top of it. The chips were probably intended to be tri-colored, but ended up being 90% white, 7% red, and 3% this weird, light greyish-violet. Due to the structure of the stack and the color scheme of the chips, we soon discovered that eating these nachos bears a striking resemblance to a game of Jenga– could you manage to extract a chip without causing enough damage to start an avalanche? (We also discovered that after several hours of drinking, shouting “JENGA!!” every time you take a chip does not get old).
Quality of Ingredients: (5) The chips were house-made, and extremely greasy. The guacamole was clearly made with fresh avocados, but unfortunately, nothing else; there was no hint of lemon, spice, or anything to flavor them. The shredded cheese was for the most party properly melted, but it did tend to be greasy. The grease from the chips seemed to react to the cheese grease, separating the two and making it difficult to extricate a chip from the stack without leaving the cheese behind. These nachos surpassed even Boston Beer Works in sheer greasiness, as evidenced by the following:

Distribution of Toppings: (3) before tonight, Nacho Patrol assumed that it was scientifically impossible to fit $14 worth of nachos on 6×8 inch plate. Now, this certain nacho patrolling party knows a few things about structural integrity–three engineers, a physicist, and two nacho experts. Yes, we came prepared for this particular bar. But nothing could prepare us for the shockingly precarious placement of these nachos. Stacked approximately half a foot high, they listed worse than the Titanic. The cheese was ample, but instead of even distribution, it was in two thick sheets that soon congealed into un-edibility. Case in point:
Price: ( 7 ) big, but crappy. Just like our men.
Overall: 21/40. We gave these our all, but they quickly became inedible. Let down, we took out our frustration on them the only way that three engineers, two nacho experts and a physicist can: by tearing them to shreds and constructing a flag housing to fly over them in conquest.

Once again, the Coolidge Corner Clubhouse disappoints. The coffin has been nailed shut, the ship has sailed, the fat lady has sung…CCC, you are officially on the “Dead to Us” list.