Despite its proximity to the bromageddon that is the North Station area, we found Ducali to be pleasantly empty the evening we popped in (be sure to check the Garden schedule in advance before making a trip). Along with beers from their small but varied list, we made a beeline for the aforementioned nachos, described as “Pizza dough chips baked with mozzarella cheese, hot pepper and salami, served with a spicy tomato sauce.”

• Appearance: (8) Yet another in our occasional series, “These don’t look very much like nachos at all.”  But boy did they look tempting…
• Quality of Ingredients: (8) The crisp flatbread “chips”, dusted with parmesan, were quite tasty. We equally enjoyed the house-pickled peppers and the salami slices.  There was disagreement over whether the tomato sauce was accurately billed as “spicy”, as half of us found it rather bland.  In the end, all of the ingredients were on par with what you would find on a well-made pizza…just in different forms.
• Distribution of Toppings: (7) While the presentation was visually appealing, it led to the cheese running to the end of all the chips. There was also a layer of a few chips underneath it all that had no cheese whatsoever.  The chips were so tasty on their own though, that we didn’t mind all that much, and they were perfect for scooping up the marinara sauce. Overall, the moderate cheese coating and sauce on the side led to an overall drier nacho experience than we typically prefer.
• Price: (9) At $8 these were very reasonably priced for their quality, and split between two people, a good half of a meal.
• Overall: 32/40.  These nachos are the best “authentic” Italian nachos we have encountered in Boston (so, better than Anchovies).  We recommend making a trip, but if you are going to partake bring some friends and make sure you leave room for their excellent pizza!

• Appearance: (7) Very colorful, but in an unsettling way.  Only canned condiments and pre-made chips are ever that bright.
• Quality of Ingredients: (5) Jarred salsa, guacamole from a bucket, and the chips, while colorful, were a little stale.  The chili was good but had a strange hint of summer sausage flavor, which, while not unpleasant, was a little odd.  We were puzzled by the sour cream, which appeared to have some sort of chives mixed in, but with no discernible effect on the flavor.
• Distribution of Toppings: (6)  While there was a fair amount of chili, the cheese was not entirely melted, which hampered distribution.
• Price: (8.3)  In this age of nacho inflation, it’s nice to see a sizable plate of nachos, with chili for only $10.
• Overall: 26.3.  These nachos were exactly what we expected from the place, nothing more, nothing less.  Edible, even enjoyable, but worth neither a long review or a return visit.

No one’s first time is all that great, right?  On to bigger and better Southie nachos!

• Appearance: (4) For nachos “grande”, these certainly did not live up to the size of their name.  All of the colors seemed faded, and the salsa and sour cream were in plastic takeout containers.

• Quality of Ingredients: (5.5) The chili was watery, and some of the chips were a little stale.  The large chunks of BBQ pork were OK, but would never have been tasty enough to carry a pulled pork sandwich on their own.  The red onions were intended to be pickled (which would have been a lovely touch) but still had too much of a bite to eat on their own.  And the cheese, while it was not quite the dreaded American cheese, came very close (we dubbed it “Guam cheese”).

• Distribution of Toppings: (7) There was decent distribution, and even some cheese padding on the plate.  The watery chili made things soggy and sort of disappeared into the other ingredients; we wouldn’t have known it was there if it hadn’t been on the menu.
• Price: (4) On the Sunset scale of size-to-price ratio, these barely registered.  But hey, it’s downtown…
• Overall: 20.5/40.  We debated heading over to The Fours after the game to wash away these bad nacho memories with some good ones.  You would be wise to do the same, or just head there in the first place.

• Appearance: (8) As she delicately placed these upon the table, our waitress warned, “I have never seen them put so much chili on something.” We can agree!  Along with the ooey-gooey cheese and perked-up ears of guacamole, these appeared to be quite an exceptional nacho.
• Distribution of toppings: (9) The tidal wave of chili roaring across the quiet countryside of these nachos burst through the levees of cheese and chips to soak through to the very foundations. We were just about ready to call for FEMA to step in and declare it a state of nacho emergency. While we’re not sure if such a deluge is common practice at Game On! (they may have received reports that we’d be dropping by), the proportions were about right and there was plenty of topping to go around.
• Quality of toppings: (8.25) Once again we find a sweeter chili, with a distinct note of teriyaki.  Though it’s not our favorite, we enjoyed it and the kidney beans. For the most part, the ingredients were fairly standard–nothing stood out as especially delicious and the guac could have used a bit more seasoning. Here’s a lesson.
• Price: (7.25) We were extremely skeptical of these nachos: an extra $3 for guacamole making these top out at $15?  Unheard of!  But when it came down to it, there were far more worth their high price than we could have ever imagined.  Four of us gave it the ol’ college try and still failed to finish them.
• Overall: 32.5/40.  FINALLY, great nachos in Fenway!  Game On!, you were worth the wait.

Game On!, tonight you surprised us, and after 100+ reviews, that’s hard to do. What with our multiple traumatic experiences with Beer Works nachos, the blandness of Fenway Cantina and Cask & Flagon, and the predictable nightmare of Fenway Park, we thought the Fenway area was a wasteland. Nevertheless, you delivered the goods and while we’d love to see the price come down from its low-earth orbit, you finally gave us a place to recommend to our multitudinous following of drunk Red Sox fans.

• Appearance: (8) Our kidney beans runneth over, along with everything else!  These presented a visual feast as they approached, with their wide variety of toppings.  Significant naked chips left us worried, however.
• Quality of Ingredients: (8) It’s a testament to how pleasantly surprising these nachos were that it took a few minutes for us to realize that they had BACON on them.  Bacon!  Only a small smattering, but still, bacon! Our attention was primarily taken up by the Garnish of Delicious Mystery, which, after sending a bartender off to the kitchen to inquire about, we learned was thin threads of beef jerky.  The chili was full of kidney beans, and the guacamole tasty enough, though Guacaholics Anonymous was still fresh enough in our minds to limit our intake to a few nibbles.  Chips were nothing special.  The salsa in the big cup off to the side was finely minced and deliciously fresh, a rare find indeed!
• Distribution of Toppings: (7) It’s hard to report on the naked chip situation because we didn’t make it through enough of these to have that be a problem.  This was a sizeable plate of ‘chos and while we barely made a dent in it, the parts we did get to had a decent distribution.  Even if a naked chip did arise, the guac and sour cream (not too cloying, fortunately) were there for the dipping, along with the delicious fresh salsa on the side.  At first we wondered why the salsa was presented on its own, but in the end it made sense– it was so pureed, almost gazpacho-like in texture, that it would have turned everything soggy. We applaud the chef’s good sense in this situation.
• Price: (7.5) Nearing Sunset-esque proportions, these were worth more of their $14 than we originally expected.  Still, could do a little better…
• Overall: 30.5/40.  Better than anticipated, with some welcome surprises.  Certainly a better bet than their Brighton Center competition…

• Appearance: (8.5) An array of colors and textures, that upon closer examination revealed far more toppings than originally expected.  We’re taking off an extra half point for the plastic containers (not pictured) of salsa, sour cream and guacamole– how gauche!
• Quality of Ingredients: (8) Let’s play a game called, “Rarely Seen Ingredients In The Boston Nacho Scene.”  Black olives? Check. Kidney beans? You betcha. A fresh vegetable that is not part of the salsa?  Say no more!  While everything else (chips, cheese, chili, guac) was good, it was the little details that pushed these nachos over the top.
• Distribution of Toppings: (9) Massive amounts of melted cheese can never hurt, and while there were some naked chips, there was plenty of use for them, scooping up extra toppings.
• Price: (6) At $12, on par for the area but not particularly outstanding.
• Overall: 31.5.  We have it on good authority that this is one of the only things this place does right.  Still, at least they are good at something! If you are in the area and need nachos, this is likely your best bet.

• Appearance: (8) Patriotic and gooey, though lacking in green.  This was our own fault, we forgot to order guacamole.
• Quality of Ingredients: (6) Two kinds of cheese, excellently melted.  The chili was oddly sweet, something we haven’t encountered since the Beantown Pub.  Still, it was tasty enough.  The chips were stale; stale enough to put a damper on the nacho experience as a whole. The salsa tasted exactly like that found in the BU dining hall; fine cuisine, no, but welcome nostalgia.  No black olives (sad face), but no jalapeños either; we call this a draw.
• Distribution of toppings: (7) As soon as these showed up at the table we knew there would be a problem– the naked chips were out, and they were proud (not something you can say about many BC students). The salsa and sour cream on top, per usual, created a bit of a distribution nightmare, even when we resorted to forks.
• Price: (5) $12, easily demolished by two.  Maybe that’s the norm for this part of town, but our trust funds consist of $200 in birthday money collected from Grandma over the years.  Next time we are in the mood for $12 nachos, you can catch us at Sunset with five of our closest friends.
• Overall: (26)  Been there, done that.  BC sucks, especially at nachos.

Located (as is the pattern these days) on scenic Boylston St. just off Mass. Ave., The Cactus Club isn’t the only restaurant in the area that provides diners with the sensual taste experience of greasy Tex-Mex. Maybe we were just there on an off-day. After all, they are said to have the best margaritas in Boston. But when your “traditional margarita” with Cuervo sets you back $10.50 and your enchilada $10, you are more inclined to notice the poor quality of the food. On that upbeat note, let’s wax nacho:

• Appearance: (9) For all the crap they do wrong, Cactus Club certainly has presentation down to a science. Despite a little char, these nachos were absolutely beautiful, as fresh and bright as a sunny day.
• Quality of Ingredients: ( 7 ) how refreshing to get some black beans! It went a long way it battening down the chili powder hatches, which seemed to have blown open in some sort of Incident. It was literally a chili powder keg, reminiscent of some childhood mess your mother made in the crock pot. However, we did enjoy the pico (a little chili-ey itself) and the lemony guac.
• Distribution of Toppings: (7) We suspect Cactus Club may have, at some point, hijacked Cabot Farms to fund the massive volume of cheese used on these nachos. The farmers weep and the cows’ udders are utterly tapped. At that same point, somewhere on the coast, three Nacho Patrollers simultaneously witness the glory of oh-so-much gooey cheese while attempting to chisel the clots out of their hearts. Luckily the excitement brought us back to life–it only took as a little digging to discover that the cheese was simply a ruse to disguise the plate of naked chips below. Sure, there was a lot, but in not layering it, the “cheese helmet” cooled and congealed quickly, making for an unpleasant and difficult nacho experience. Also, this could be nit-picky, but the wax paper underneath the nachos often proved to be problematic.
• Price: (5) $12 for this particular plate, which we officially award the “Biggest Rip-Off Award” in Nachos. They do offer an $8 option, sans meat and guac. $8 for chips and cheese. A travesty!
• Overall: (29/40)

Boylston, Boylston, Boylston…What shall these Nacho-Lovers do with you? After our overrated margaritas and wallet-cleaning nachos, we considered being sad. But then we remembered that Pour House is right next door…and there was much rejoicing.

The Avenue has everything you might expect from a “college bar.” $1.50 drafts of shitty beer, extreme fighting on one television and bikini models on another, unlimited opportunities for bromance, and copious drunk thugs attempting to hit on you (places we’d recommend Doc Martens and a burka–check). They boast having “like a hundred” taps (according to our waitress), but in reality have about 20, at least 1/5 of them Budweiser products. But for the nacho connoiseur, they also have a nice selection of nachos–everything from your average cheese to your more advanced chicken and chili. On this particular Sunday night, the six of us enjoyed the chili nachos (they were out of gauc…how sad).

Disclaimer: It was far into the night, and we have little recollection of the details of these nachos, save for a very dark photo on a cellphone and a memory of general satisfaction.

• Appearance: ( 8 ) Pretty tasty-looking?
• Quality of Ingredients: (6) Everything was good, but the chili was too watery making the chips moist and floppy. It also was rather flavorless–something you could easily make at home.
• Distribution of Toppings: ( 8 ) more cheese than you can shake a stick at made for excellent distribution. We wished they had guac, but as Skyler confessed, we “like that they have lots of cheese.”
• Price: ( 7 ) $10 split 6 ways
• Overall: (29) Good, but not very memorable.  Part of that may be our problem, though we venture that many of the people who eat the nachos here will be in the same state.

For the most part, each of the Hynes area bars having some distinguishing quality: Pour House has amazing nachos, Whiskey’s has good taps if you’re not a beer snob, Bukowski’s takes care of you if you are. McGreevy’s, sadly, doesn’t have a lot going on. Save for their $30 burger, their food is generally sub par, the music is too loud, everything is rather sticky, the bartenders won’t ever put the ballgame on you want to watch, the service is awful, and the taps are limited to the stereotypical Boston Irish pub selection (Bud, Bud Light, Stella, Guinness, Bass, Sam Summer, Harpoon I.P.A, and Smithwicks). Of course, that would never stop Nacho Patrol.

• Appearance: (6) colorful, but very small. We will get to that later. The variety of peppers on top was a pretty touch, though in the end a little gastronomically unnecessary. Bright cheese was contrasted by blisteringly white chicken. On the whole, quite nice looking. The little to-go cups of salsa and sour cream were, like the peppers, a bit distracting and just about the strangest distribution choice ever. Sure, we’ve had salsa and sour cream on the side, but it’s hard to describe exactly how lazy serving something in plastic cups at a sit down restaurant actually is. We’ve never done this before, but they get -3 points for unclassiness.
• Quality of Ingredients: ( 8 ) On the whole, everything was better than expected.  The chips were thicker than usual, and the cheese was a delicious mixture of cheddar and jack.  Grilled chicken can tend to be dry, but this was charred just enough and quite moist. Both pickled and fresh jalapenos (in a melee of colors) added a welcome touch of spice, and we were also impressed by the addition of black olives and green onions.
• Distribution of Toppings: ( 8 ) Again, not too many complaints here. Very few naked chips, enough cheese to provide proper moisture, many a chunk of chicken. Perhaps a few too many peppers, though, as we were left at the end with plate full of colorful jalapenos.
• Price: (6) When going out in this area, we don’t really expect to get good deals. These nachos were no exception. For $8 we expect something much larger. Furthermore, a couple of chunks of chicken should never cost $2. Seriously.
• Overall: 28/40

Nacho Patrol sincerely wishes that the bars in this area would take a few cues from Pour House, which every day proves to be leaps and bounds above its neighbors. Not only are the Pour House nachos almost Homeric in quality and size, but you can get a massive glass tankard of P.B.R. for like $4. And unlike McGreevy’s, they somehow make it all classy. Sure, Pour House isn’t a place you’d want to take mom and dad, but at least they have a friggin’ understanding of atmosphere.

Well, at least none of us got hit on by dudes with pocket squares this particular trip to McGreevy’s. .7 extra points! 28.7/40