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Regina Pizzeria: The Great Cheese Flood of 2012

10 Apr

Despite the fact that nachos are about as far from Italian cuisine as you can get, the Boston Italian Restaurant Industrial Complex continues to test the barriers of Tex Mex, with Nacho Patrol ready and willing to serve (or as usually is the case, be served). In our last post we chronicled our myriad attempts to find good Italian nachos, culminating in a delicious trip to Ducali Pizza. This time, we’re at Regina Pizzeria in Allston (formerly The Sports Depot), where if the cheese doesn’t kill you, the terror of the commuter rail flying by your head just might.

Regina Nachos: Corn tortilla chips piled high with melted Pepper Jack and Mozzarella cheese, Regina sausage, tomatoes, chopped red onions, black olives and sliced hot cherry peppers.  Garnished with sour cream and guacamole.

  • Appearance: (7) In our three and a half years of eating nachos, we have never seen this much cheese. The photo doesn’t do it justice, but there is actually an ocean of cheese on that plate. A Mexiterranean Ocean of cheese. In theory, a glut of cheese should be delicious, but in practice it’s not exactly aesthetically pleasing. It consumed the tomatoes, olives, and onions, drenching the chips and obscuring the lovely painted plate. Luckily, the guac and sour cream were on the side, else we’d have a downright mess on our hands!
  • Distribution: (7) We thought we’d never say this, but there was too much cheese. Side effects of Too Much Cheese include soupiness, chip drenching, cheese sweats, soggy chips, and watching years of your life disappear. We appreciated that the cheese completely ensnared the other toppings creating perfectly proportioned bites.
  • Quality: (8) In deference to our vegetarian allies, these nachos were sans sausage or chicken, but our friend who ordered a side of sausages said they were delicious. For the most part, the other toppings were average–the guac, tomatoes, olives, and chives were nothing special. The peppers were a nice touch, not too spicy, but a pleasant kick of flavor. The real delight was the mix of Pepper Jack and Mozzarella, combining to make the whole plate taste like pizza (See…these are Italian nachos!), and as we all know, pizza is what Regina does best.
  • Price: (7) You can get the basic nachos (as listed above) for $10. For an additional $5 you can add buffalo chicken. $10 is average for the area, matching the cost of the former Sport’s Depot nachos, but we find the concept of $5 chicken so offensive that we’re knocking them down another point.
  • Overall: 29/40. We loved the flavors and passion with which the cook layered on the cheese, but ultimately these nachos suffered from too much of a yummy thing.

Do we risk getting whacked if we keep writing average-to-negative nacho reviews of North End hot spots?

Advice for the Occasional Defector: Burchos

14 Dec

It happens to the most loyal of patrollers. You’re next in line at the fast-food counter when you are faced with a dilemma. Nachos or burrito? Burrito or nachos? You weigh the pros and cons in your head.

Nachos
Burritos
DELICIOUS. Burritos are massive, but at least they’re not fried?
Tortilla chips are triangular. Burritos are round.
Nachos are social, and you don’t have any friends Burritos can be consumed alone in your cube where your only companion is a spreadsheet…

“Next!”

Crap! What to do… Then you realize the person behind the counter is not some scrappy white kid who only moved here from Connecticut for school, but is actually Mexican!

“BURRITO!”

Then the anxiety sets in. Burritos can go wrong in a lot of ways. But don’t fret. Nacho Patrol is here to help. Let us recall that valuable wisdom we acquired from our liquid-cheese sen-seis at Qdoba: burritos are really just nachos to-go. So plan your burrito accordingly with the following phrases:
“Little meat”

“Nacho cheese” (or if they don’t have it, “Mucho cheese”)

“More cheese”

And you’re done! For places that serve chips on the side, you can even get the best of both worlds and not regret your decision to stray from the caloric paradigm that is nachos (don’t forget the Cholula).

You’re welcome.

Toby Keith’s I <3 This Bar and Grill: America. FUTK yeah.

18 Aug

Continuing with our “Nachos From Exotic Locales To Make Up For Rarely Posting” series, we bring you Toby Keith’s I <3 This Bar & Grill in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. Using live music, hearty portion-sizes, and mason jars, I <3 This Bar & Grill is doing to country what the Hard Rock Cafe did to rock: increasing the guitar size by 1000% and turning music into a tourist trap. That the developers at the West End thought the new retail park needed a country music bar probably hints at Minnesota’s right-wing swing, but if country music means more nachos for us, then we’re willing to indulge Toby Keith for at least one meal.

  • Appearance: (8) Unlike most people at I <3 This Bar & Grill, these nachos look good in both dim and direct light. Red, white, and blue chips, green guac, orange cheese-like sauce (see Distribution), parsley confetti. Yep, it has all those things. We’re taking off three points for a messy plate.
  • Distribution: (6) We still don’t know whether the orange stuff was queso dip or melted cheese, but in any case, what they were doing didn’t work. If it was shredded cheese, they did a terrific job melting the top layer, but not so great a job melting the rest. If it’s queso dip, they should have used more to help coat the naked chips on the bottom of the pile. There also wasn’t enough meat, and the so-called black beans touted by the menu were M.I.A.
  • Quality: (6) Despite the distribution problems, the mix of queso dip and shredded cheese gave us an extra kick of melty-goodness. We also enjoyed the smoky, peppery flavors in the salsa. Our primarily complaint is with the pulled pork, which was too sweet, and would have been much better off sans-sauce.
  • Price: (8) All-American nachos, All-American portion size, All-American prices. That used to mean super cheap, but now that means $9 for a small order. Too much for two people, probably too small for a group. In case you’re feeling extra hungry, they have something called “That Damn Nacho,” which includes all the toppings from a small order, plus three kinds of meat–chicken, BBQ beef, and pulled beef–for $20.
  • Overall: 28/40. We feel a little guilty supporting the Toby Keith Industrial Complex, but despite our qualms,  I <3 This Bar & Grill serves good food in a lively environment. If we knew anything about country music, we’d insert some sort of relevant lyric, but since we stick primarily to 90′s tunes, we’ll close by saying: America! Fuck yeah!
PS. if you don’t get the title of this post, click here.
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